Sibblings Raising Your PARENTS on HOSPICE CARE

[Judy clemons]

If there is one thing I know for sure and certain it is that i am not alone in this topic of caring for [ in my case ] it is my mom. She just went on Hospice this week end she turns 86 on may 16. She is not able to
get up out of bed, declines food, health shakes, desserts and barely sips water less than a 1/4 cup a day
leaving her entirely too weak to turn over in the bed. Creating more problems by adding bed sores to the list of ailments. Totally frustrating being caught in this catch 22 area. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her
mental capabilities, she is totally aware of her surroundings, the people she sees, keeps up with the Rangers,
does not miss a game if it is on the tv. She is sleeping alot they brought her home on a stretcher yesterday
from the hospital and she would not wake up for any one or anything told us today while she was awake
how rough the ride was coming home. i can not force feed and i have not been able to get her to agree to
anything not even her favorite stuff has any one out there got a solution or a suggestion or advice?

l

[J Anderson]

It sounds like your mom is doing what my dad did before he passed away. It is very hard to see someone you love refuse to eat or drink, and you have my deepest sympathies.

My mom, my sister, and a series of full time caretakers seemed to spend every moment that dad was awake trying to get him to eat or drink. I decided that since there were already three people trying this, when I visited, I would talk about anything but food or drink.

My advice, and this is extremely difficult for someone with children of their own, is to let the hospice workers worry about getting your mom to eat and drink. Your job is to be a loving daughter. Talk to her about your kids and grand kids, bowling, the Rangers, gardening, etc. Try and limit yourself to one nag per visit to show that you're on the aides side about eating and drinking.

Your mom knows on some level that the Lord is getting ready to call her home. The best thing that you can do for her is let her know that her family loves her and that they are going to be fine.

[billf]

Judy, you have my deepest sympathy. Being the blunt person that I am it is with the utmost compassion that I will say my peace.
Your mother is ready to move on.
At my own mother's ulogy I said how it's easier on the loved ones when the departed take some time to pass but harder on them. When it's sudden, it's easier on the departed yet harder on the loved ones.
Knowing this I was and am grateful that my mother's heart attack was sudden and lethal. I would rather her passing be hard on me than the pain and frustration of her trying to live with a real reduction on quality of life with all the pains the ailments bring.

[classygranny]

Judy

My deepest sympathy to you as well. The guys have already stated what I would have so I won't reiterate it, but they are correct. I just wanted you to know from another female's point of view that I agree with both John and Bill.

My mother tried to hang on for so long, just for my Dad, that I felt the torment to her body every time I saw her - eight very long and painful months. Bill is right, when i lost my husband, it was very quick - and the pain was deep. But my mother's dying took its toll on all the loved ones involved, so my thoughts and prayers are with you.

John is right, spend your time as cheerful as you can. You will find that when you do this, just bring a little something to eat or drink in for yourself at times, and offer some to Mom while you eat and drink. We found my Mom didn't like eating alone, as we had always eaten at the dinner table as a family, she found it awkward to eat alone, so we started eating more snacks and meals around the bedside. It helped some. Just a suggestion.

Oh, and if you need anyone to talk to...I'll be here for you.

Granny Gayla

[Judy clemons]

My bowling pin pals JANDERSON, BIILF, AND CLASSYGRANNY they are AWESOME!
They took time from their precious families, their busy schedules and meditated on mine for this i am extremely grateful and i want to send my heartfelt thank you out to each one of them personally. Each one of your statements were exactly what i needed to read, each one of them touched my heart & soul where reassurance was needed. You stood at my foul line rolled the ball straight over the target and struck out. Everyone of you just bowled your best game ever...my love & thoughts are with you...GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!

[classygranny]

Thanks Judy.

When I read your post I was just in awe. Where a simple thank you would have more than sufficed, you chose to go above and beyond with your words of gratitude - even relating it to the bowling subject.

What little time I've been involved with the boards and reading your posts, you remind me somewhat of my Mother. She was always kind to everyone she met, never had an enemy, would give a stranger the shirt off her back, was gracious for everything and everyone that was in her life, always involved in our lives in a good way, saw the good in everyone and every situation, creative, fun, and loving.

I believe it is you, Ms Judy, that hit the 300. With all that's on your plate, you went over and beyond anything that would be expected. I wish you the best with your Mom, you deserve some love. Cherish each day as we never have enough, and live each day without regrets. And I truly hope what you send out comes back to you two-fold or more!

Thoughts and prayers be with you.

GrannyGayla

PS...Go Rangers (except on May 27th)

[Judy clemons]

updat:
mom is now drinking 1 ensure a day 1/2 & 1/2 not all at once and is eating some sherbet and applesauce
is awake and alert enough to visit for a spell however her voice is extremely weak and squeaky and she does not
move her own bed up & down even though it is just a touch of a button. there is some improvement and yet there is no
improvement. she does not seem to be in any pain today after her bath. she enjoyed the visit with the chaplin today. she is very appreciative of all support & prayers from one and all and is grateful for them all!

[Judy clemons]

FYI: Today was moms 86th "b- day" she is trying to eat, talk, and sit up and stay awake today. She' done a 180* turn-a-
round in the last 12 hours. As she was flat on her back, refusing food and not socializing or talking.
I am not sure at all what to make of this at this moment in time so I am just trying to count my blessings and hang in there.

[classygranny]

FYI: Today was moms 86th "b- day" she is trying to eat, talk, and sit up and stay awake today. She' done a 180* turn-a-
round in the last 12 hours. As she was flat on her back, refusing food and not socializing or talking.
I am not sure at all what to make of this at this moment in time so I am just trying to count my blessings and hang in there.

Happy Birthday to MOM. Hang in there Judy and just enjoy your time with her! You deserve the best in life.