Reached out to my Sensei tonight

[Phonetek]

The man who originally taught me how to bowl 45 years ago. I've talked about him before. He was the guy my mom was with obviously after my dad. I won't mention Jeff's name for anonymity reasons on the internet so I'll just call him Jeff.

I have also mentioned he was kind of a jerk who used to get over the top angry to the point of being idiotic. He was however one hell of a bowler when he wasn't angry. I definitely looked up to him on the lanes. I've talked to him over the years after mom left him. What happened between them was between them. I have no animosity with him.

About 25 years ago I did happen to be in a league he was on. I even bowled against him head to head on that league and won. My team also beat his. I recall only seeing him once after that after my wife and I got married. Tonight after all these years I was thinking about him so I called his old number and there he was.

He was surprised to hear from me of course. I told him the reason I called is I wanted to thank him. He said "For what?" I said "For the one thing you did for me as a kid which was teaching me how to bowl." I explained that if he hadn't done that, my life wouldn't be what it is today. Considering it's completely about bowling I think it's only fair.

He was shocked to hear I manage a center and everything I have done the last few years. Last he knew I was a tech still. I also told him how his legacy has been past on to yet another generation and told him all about my son. I sent him videos of both of us. He watched them and he started to break up. He said I looked really good and my approach looks more perfect than he could have imagined. He said it's a mirror image of watching himself.

He said my son looks great too but has his own style quirks but looking at him it's clear who taught him. He said he never thought what he taught me so many years ago would continue on. I said "Just because you don't have kids of your own does not mean you don't have a legacy. You passed you're legacy to me and now I passed on to my son. There's a great chance he'll take it farther than either one of us ever did." Again he started to get emotional. He said "Thank you for learning and doing something with it."

We talked for a couple hours. He's pretty much a lonely old guy. Never got with anyone after mom. He's also chilled out. He still lives in the same house we left many years ago. Same telephone number. He probably still drives the same car and wears the same coat.

Bottom line was, he was glad I called. He said he was proud of me and my son. Moreso I think it really meant something to him to hear I'm still at it. He agreed that once I get the all clear from the docs that he would drive out here and bowl with me and my son. He's only 35 minutes away. He loved the idea and seemed quite excited.

How cool will that be to have the 3 generations bowling together? No he's not my dad and not close to being it, but he was my coach and that means something. Having all three of us on the lanes together will be something special. My kid will get to see where it all started. Of course this means I have to kick both their assess all over the lanes. Oooh I could get a pool started on this matchup! This is gonna be fun!

I guess being stuck at home with Covid something good came out of it. I'd have never made that call otherwise. Now and again it's good to reach out to the people who greatly effected you're life. We all have someone that influenced us to be who we are. I have him, my auto shop teacher from high school and my father in law. Without those 3 I wouldn't be who I am. Sadly there are only two of the three left but I know now that they are all proud of me. Now I can't wait to get better even more!

[djp1080]

Great story!
I called a cousin of mine a couple of months ago who I met once at her father's house when I was a kid. It was by chance I found her married name, etc. Just by chance it was the right one. She has lived in California for a long, long time. Her two sisters passed. I just recall her as a full of life young lady and very nice to be with. Many of my father's family moved out West and I'm thinking she's likely the only one left that I ever knew about out there.
It's good to get a feeling that there are those still out there. She even remembered me interestingly enough.
Regarding bowling I wish I had someone teach me how to bowl. I learned by watching and doing. Tried a coach once and it was disasterous. The guy was terrible to work with.
Hope you get to meet again with your old coach! Have fun...

[boatman37]

Yeah I was pretty much self taught. My great uncle owned a bowling alley before I was born and I guess my dad worked there when he was a teen. He bowled in his work league but I was real little then (like 5). I guess my dad had about a 190 average back in the early 70's but threw a straight ball at about 90...lol. But then again back in the 70's everyone threw a straight ball compared to today...lol. But my dad quit bowling around the mid 80's. I started league bowling about 1981 in my 7th grade league but don't think I got much 'coaching' from him. More or less just being in bowling alleys with him and watching everyone then I bought a Brian Voss VCR tape back in the 80's and watched it a few hundred times...lol

[Phonetek]

My self teaching didn't work out well. If I recall, I took several steps and just flipped it on the lane while trying spin it. My track was probably the size of a pea. When my mom hooked up with this guy she said "Wait until you see him bowl."

When I did, to me it was the coolest thing. He was so graceful, smooth and watching his ball rolling was so satisfying. Out of all the leagues I watched while Mom was working and all the bowlers I watched, I never seen anything like him. Call it an epiphany but when I saw him throw I had a feeling that what he was doing just felt so RIGHT. I wanted to be like that!

He, like me was skeptical to teach me like I was to teach my kid. I did convince him to do so obviously. I really looked up to him for his skills. When the day came, the first thing he said it's "Forget everything you think you know and do what I say." That is the day he taught me the 4-step. Once he did that then all I thought about and all I did was try to do it like him.

Even when I wasn't at the alley, I practiced at home. Mom bought me a Fisher Price bowling set. Fortunately we had a very long hallway. I made a pin deck out of cardboard with spots to place the pins on then surrounded the end of the hallway with pillows. The plastic balls were very light so I filled them with water through the little hole and sealed them.

I did this for hours and hours every day. Even kept score. We must have had some awesome or deaf neighbors because this was in a condo I did this in. Somehow nobody I am aware of ever complained. I probably wore out the carpet. It took several years to master the approach. I don't mean just the 4-steps, that was easy. To master the grace and smoothness that he had.

Back then we didn't have video studios in our pocket so it was a bit more of a challenge to accomplish. I went with him to every league and tournament he bowled in, including the ABC's in Vegas. The entire time I would study his every movement. To this day I can close my eyes and picture everything from the moment he picks up the ball to the roll down to the pins. By the time I was 12 I mastered pretty much everything but the ball roll. I always had a tad bit of top spin which cause my oil track to be more left than his.

It drove me crazy! I tried and tried, practiced and practiced and I couldn't fix it! When I turned 13 some things happened and I couldn't bowl for a year. At 14 when I rejoined and started practicing I noticed my oil track was suddenly PERFECT! At least perfect for what I wanted it to be. It was precisely the same as his. No idea why and what changed but I did it! LOL

From that, my confidence level shot way up as did my skill level and average. The rest is history. I know that technically speaking in any sport that you really aren't supposed to mimick someone else exactly. Like a kid playing baseball trying to look like Babe Ruth. Doing so won't make you Babe. Normally you shouldn't, teaching someone to do it is a definite no no.

I guess in my case I saw his style as MY IDEA of pure perfection. Why wouldn't I want to do everything I could to try to duplicate that to the letter? Don't get me wrong, I certainly do not think I am perfect. Far from it or I'd shoot 900 every time I bowled. I am not so arrogant to think anything remotely like that. I accomplished my goal though if it's actually perfect or not.

No I'm not him, I never wanted to be him as a person. I did manage to take what I felt was the best part of him and combine it with my much better attitude. Honestly bowling wise I passed him up decades ago. His poor attitude was his Achilles Heel. He got too aggravated with every bad shot or bad luck and dwelled on it. Even took it home with him and stayed mad for a day or two about it.

I don't ever really remember him actually enjoying bowling. To him it was all about winning money. He was one of those isolationists while he was bowling. His team would be whooping it up, getting pumped up, giving high fives and there he was 20 feet away not talking. When someone approached him especially if he had a run of strikes, he'd make the "back off" sign with his hands. I can appreciate someone trying to concentrate but that was a bit too much.

If he didn't act like he did he could have been much better, even great. Watching his every move was beneficial. I certainly learned what to do. I also learned what not to do. I really wish I would have done more with what I learned. I think that regret is why I'm trying so hard now and going "All in" with my son. It's too late for me to do much with what I've learned. Yeah I can still get some more trophies, win some cash in pots, leagues and tournaments. Perhaps even be one of the top dogs in my center. I'll never be GREAT!

Perhaps my kid can be though? If he takes the best of both of us and plays his cards right, you never know? He's got a shot. If not, perhaps he'll have a son that will? I can't wait for my son to meet and bowl with him.

[J Anderson]

Bowling is an individual sport sometimes played by teams. Some of the best bowlers that I know are lousy teammates. They have great focus for what they are doing, but aside for putting up big numbers they do little for a team’s esprit de corps and very often their teams finish near the middle of the pack instead of winning.

It sounds like you’ve managed to learn the physical aspect of the game from your mentor and maintained your own more outgoing personality.

[Phonetek]

Bowling is an individual sport sometimes played by teams. Some of the best bowlers that I know are lousy teammates. They have great focus for what they are doing, but aside for putting up big numbers they do little for a team’s esprit de corps and very often their teams finish near the middle of the pack instead of winning.

It sounds like you’ve managed to learn the physical aspect of the game from your mentor and maintained your own more outgoing personality.

Well yeah you can say that. I may have been a child but even I could see the way he acted wasn't the way to be. I didn't understand it wasn't helping not be successful but I knew it wasn't pleasant to be around. In taking with him I think he has matured since then. At least now he seems to have more than two emotions that are outside of menopause.

[boatman37]

Reading about 'attitude' and what JAnderson posted it reminded me of something someone said last week. One of the higher average teams bowled the lowest average team in the league last week. But this low average team is in 1st place and won 2 of 3 games. This guy on the higher average team has about a 195 average but his attitude isn't great at times. At the end of the night we were talking and he was complaining about the other team whooping it up when they won. His comment was something like 'they suck. They aren't good bowlers and it p@ss@s me off that they cheered when they won'. I just nodded and walked away. Hey they beat you following the same rules you follow. Don't be a sore loser.

[Phonetek]

Don't get me wrong, he didn't typically get angry at his teammates or if they lost. He usually got mad at himself. Even if they won but he blew a frame or two he'd still be upset. If they lost, it was RARELY because of him. I dunno if he just had too high of expectation of himself or what? I never really dove into his mind to find out. As a kid I used to try to calm him down. I'd like to think I did.

Once in a while he'd politely tell me to go away. LOL He never did direct his anger AT me. I just happen to be along side of it a lot or be in the car while he was raging doing 90 after bowling. Mom usually had to deal with it more than anyone.

I dunno, maybe he was embarrassed or something if he whiffed a 5 pin? Maybe his dad brainwashed him into thinking that nothing less than perfection was acceptable? I never met him, he died before I met Jeff. Who knows? If he was young today acting like that, he'd surely be medicated. My brother actual coined him by calling him "Mr. Inappropriate anger". One of the few intelligent things my brother ever said.

Like I said, he seems different today. Perhaps being alone all these decades since Mom left humbled him? No way to tell. All of it is ancient history anyway.

Bottom line is, yeah I remember his antics quite vividly but when I'm on the lanes I just remember his skills. Other things side, I still think he was the most perfect bowler in that regard that I have ever seen. I'm glad I have been able to mirror it.