Motiv Girl
07-24-2010, 09:40 PM
To hear sports psychologist Dr. Cory Bank tell it, sports kids
and their parents have lots to argue about.
"Half my practice is conflicts between sports kids and their
parents," he says.
Why should this interest you? If you want to learn how to support
your kids so they stay in sports and benefit from it all their
lives, read on. You'll learn important communication skills that
will boost your sports parenting skills and your kids' enjoyment
of sports.
Young athletes might be excelling in a sport, but feel they need
to take a break, he says. Often, parents instead want them to
enroll in camps or club teams instead of taking that break, he
says.
But pushing kids this way can cause them to burn out. And that
can cause them to drop out altogether, he warns.
If kids are burnt out, they often lose interest in a sport. Here
are other symptoms, says Bank: They lack passion and interest and
just seem to be going through the motions. You don't want this to
happen to your sports kids. Instead, you should listen to what
they say about what they need--and support them.
"One of the things kids get from sports is a sense of
independence and empowerment. They verbalize what they want to
do," says Bank. Especially when they reach the ages of 11, 12 and
13, sports kids begin to tell their parents how and when they
want to play sports. They often want to play less often so they
can spend more time with their friends.
Of course, you don't want to encourage them to play or practice
sporadically. But you can suggest that they skip a camp or
private workouts for the summer, for example.
It's critical that sports parents help their kids focus on
mastering a sport (or two or three) and finding enjoyment—not on
playing so much that they sacrifice their health and social life,
says Bank.
Here at Kids' Sports Psychology, we agree that it's critical for
kids to strike a balance between sports and other areas of their
lives.
In order for you, as parents, to best help kids do this, you need
to focus on communicating well with them. Communicating well with
your sports kids will boost their confidence and enjoyment of
sports—and improve their performance, as well.
To best communicate with your kids:
-->Listen to them. That means letting them talk without
interrupting. Let them know you're listening to them by
paraphrasing what they're telling you and repeating it back to
them.
-->Show empathy. Let them know you understand how they feel. You
might say, "I understand it's hard for you to spend so much time
playing sports. You miss being with your friends.”
-->Seek first to understand. Don't be a mind reader and assume
you know what your child is thinking. Try to understand what your
player is saying before you jump in with conclusions or
suggestions.
-->Ask open-ended questions. Don't rely simply on "yes" or "no"
questions.
-->Ask clarifying questions. If you're not sure what your athlete
is trying to say, ask questions that will help clarify. "When did
you start feeling like you're spending too much time playing
sports?" you might ask.
If you listen to your sports kids, support their ideas and
passions and communicate well with them, you're much more likely
to see them take part in sports for the rest of their lives—and
reap all the benefits of that participation.
and their parents have lots to argue about.
"Half my practice is conflicts between sports kids and their
parents," he says.
Why should this interest you? If you want to learn how to support
your kids so they stay in sports and benefit from it all their
lives, read on. You'll learn important communication skills that
will boost your sports parenting skills and your kids' enjoyment
of sports.
Young athletes might be excelling in a sport, but feel they need
to take a break, he says. Often, parents instead want them to
enroll in camps or club teams instead of taking that break, he
says.
But pushing kids this way can cause them to burn out. And that
can cause them to drop out altogether, he warns.
If kids are burnt out, they often lose interest in a sport. Here
are other symptoms, says Bank: They lack passion and interest and
just seem to be going through the motions. You don't want this to
happen to your sports kids. Instead, you should listen to what
they say about what they need--and support them.
"One of the things kids get from sports is a sense of
independence and empowerment. They verbalize what they want to
do," says Bank. Especially when they reach the ages of 11, 12 and
13, sports kids begin to tell their parents how and when they
want to play sports. They often want to play less often so they
can spend more time with their friends.
Of course, you don't want to encourage them to play or practice
sporadically. But you can suggest that they skip a camp or
private workouts for the summer, for example.
It's critical that sports parents help their kids focus on
mastering a sport (or two or three) and finding enjoyment—not on
playing so much that they sacrifice their health and social life,
says Bank.
Here at Kids' Sports Psychology, we agree that it's critical for
kids to strike a balance between sports and other areas of their
lives.
In order for you, as parents, to best help kids do this, you need
to focus on communicating well with them. Communicating well with
your sports kids will boost their confidence and enjoyment of
sports—and improve their performance, as well.
To best communicate with your kids:
-->Listen to them. That means letting them talk without
interrupting. Let them know you're listening to them by
paraphrasing what they're telling you and repeating it back to
them.
-->Show empathy. Let them know you understand how they feel. You
might say, "I understand it's hard for you to spend so much time
playing sports. You miss being with your friends.”
-->Seek first to understand. Don't be a mind reader and assume
you know what your child is thinking. Try to understand what your
player is saying before you jump in with conclusions or
suggestions.
-->Ask open-ended questions. Don't rely simply on "yes" or "no"
questions.
-->Ask clarifying questions. If you're not sure what your athlete
is trying to say, ask questions that will help clarify. "When did
you start feeling like you're spending too much time playing
sports?" you might ask.
If you listen to your sports kids, support their ideas and
passions and communicate well with them, you're much more likely
to see them take part in sports for the rest of their lives—and
reap all the benefits of that participation.