Let me state the obvious here: NO CHILD ..

[Motiv Girl]

Let me state the obvious here: NO CHILD MAKES MISTAKES AND LOSES BECAUSE THEY WANT TO! NO CHILD WANT THEIR PARENTS TO BE DISAPPOINTED IN THEM. What are the implications of this? When your child fails, he already feels miserable. Even before you open your mouth to criticize or offer “helpful” hints, child is already hurting big time! They may be embarrassed, ashamed, frustrated, discouraged, sad, angry with theirselves, struggling with feelings of worthlessness, etc. Before you decide to get angry at them and tell them how much of an embarrassment they are to you, STOP & THINK! How is what you’re about to say going to help them? How will it make them feel better about themselves? How will it motivate them to improve? More important, HOW WILL IT HELP THEM MANAGE THE PAIN THAT THEY ARE ALREADY EXPERIENCING?

If you overtly or covertly show your displeasure with their failing, if you criticize or put them down for not living up to your expectations, angrily walk out on them when they’re losing, then you should know that at that very moment, YOU ARE DOING YOUR CHILD A SERIOUS DISSERVICE. To respond to their pain by making them feel even more pain is to emotionally traumatize them. When you do this you fail your child in far more serious ways than them losing or failing.

[billf]

What's sad is so many parents/people don't seem to realize the effect this has on the child. My senior year, the day after we won the state high school baseball championship, we played a charity baseball game. I went over the fence in center to make the catch. Unfortunately my right cleat got caught in the chain link fence and momentum carried my body over the top with the top bar at the knee. It shredded the ligaments and cartilage. As I was laying there in serious pain, my father came over and said, "I knew you would find a way to screw up your scholarship." It was the only game he ever watched me play in and I never forgave him for being that way.
When my daughter started bowling she got frustrated. She was a high school freshman and never had bowled before making the team. I never said a discouraging word and practicing with her is what got me into bowling. Her senior year she was team captain and won the conference championship. Whenever one of the kids missed a shot I would say encouraging things and many still today say how they wish their parents were as positive and supportive.
My father taught me how not to be as a parent and for that I have to be grateful.

[The Mayor]

I agree with everything said here. I was lucky enough to have very supportive parents in everything I've ever done. Bill, I'm glad you were able to learn from your father and become a great dad instead of following the trend. I know your daughter appreciates it!

[resstealth]

Only thing my dad ever did was nag me a bit if I wasn't agressive enough on the offensive end playing basketball. Then again, Baseball was what I excelled at and he was great about it, coached me all the way until high school.

[dgz924s]

I find it hard to believe stuff like that happens, unfortunately it does, probably more than we know! My thought is that the parent have issues with their own childhood failures. Parents today it seems, push the kids so hard to win only to satisfy their need to win. They had the chance to succeed but failed and now rely on satisfying that need at the childrens expense and that too ultimately ends in failure.
My parents were very supportive as well, in fact, my 85y.o. mom still comes to the lanes to watch and encourage her 55 y.o. son bowl......and that I feel is a dying "art" (so to speak)!

[billf]

If a child feels like they disappointed or embarrassed their parent(s) too often at anything, then eventually they will give up that item be it sports, schoolwork or whatever. I used this fact to straighten out my grandson at school. His teacher told me, in front of him, how disruptive and lazy he was in class. I had no problem setting him straight right there, letting him know how disappointed I was that he couldn't behave properly and take advantage of the opportunity that was being given to him, etc
On the way home I asked him if he wanted a life like his dad where being an addict would mean that his kids would have to go to school with broken shoe laces (he was wearing them at the time), a dead end job, etc or did he want to do something more with his life where he could properly support a wife and children. He has been a straight A student since and the teacher wrote me a thank you letter where she stated he is now a model student. Not just the grades but in his attitude as well.
This is my step-daughter's now 12 year old son and we will be bowling together this summer.

It can also go the other way. I know I never wanted to disappoint my kids in a meaningful way. It was that thought, before they were born, that got me through all my military training and the first Gulf War.

[Stormed1]

Over the years i have ket my kids succeed or fail on their own merits. When they would fail i would offer encourge them and point out it's only a game and not life or death. I would offer advise as to how they could avoid the same thing happening in the future and we would go on. The closest i ever came to being negative was one year at state Masters and Queens. I gave my son some advise on where to play and he said "that won't work". Eventually (in game 5) he moved to where i told him and shot 260+ the last 2 games. So the whole trip home from Ft.Wayne i kept telling him dad doesn't know anything does he. It actually brought us closer and the next year he finished 3rd

[striker12]

ik what this feel likes cause when i first started bowling everyone there even my brother would help me out and encourge me to do my best and try something different. and so would my dad.

but my mom and her family would not encourge me at all they would jsut putme and my brother down saying that bowling is a waste of time that it could do nothing for us and its a waste of money and time, thats one reason why my brother left this country was because of my mom family and now i dont even talk to them cause they are all retards.

but when my mom family started that my mom started that sinc this year my mom has not talked to any of them and she came to a few of my leagues and suported me but not as much as my dad dose he is always there but somedyas he is suportive but some days hes not, lucky i got my bowling coach who is suporting me and helping me out telling me what im doing wrong and also having me do muti lines and styles to try out but now cause its soo close to prov he wants me to do it my way that i feel good on and he will help me out abit to get me into it perfectly.

but he thinks i could go all the way to the PBA cause he sead i made the fasted inprovments then he has ever seen normaly takes something to change something a few months-year took me just 1 league play - 2 league plays with no practice but hes going to get me into a few YBT next year.


soo if anything my bowling coach is the most person who suports me and helps me get threw things even my bad days

[striker12]

i could start off bad at the start of the day threw the 1st game and part of the 2nd game but he helps me out and get me positive on the middle of the 2nd game and the 3rd game and help me finish strong and has me do most of the analying of the ball going down the lane soo i ahve to tell him what i see and did wrong befor i tell him soo it makes me much better cause then i can recanie some thing i do wrong only thing i ahveyet to catch is me throwing the ball in stead of the balls moving my arm its self(got too much musle in my arm the i can feel much in it) lol

[RoccoRock]

This sound familiar. Only difference with my father, it wasn't sports, it was cars. He is a master mechanic, and even though throughout my childhood he told me to never pick up a wrench, and do something else for a living, and never telling me a thing about cars,by the time I was a teenager he expected me to magically know what I was doing. I remember a few occasions working on car with him, and it was a nightmare. "That's the wrong wrench, what the hell are you doing, you need to do this first." Yelling at me the whole time. Lost my passion to work on cars. Sucks too because I think I could have been a good mechanic, and I would be making at least double, maybe triple or more than what I make now. My first child was born 2 months ago today, and I'm scared that I'm going to be the same way. I have a temper, I've been known to say and do stupid things, and I don't want to screw up my daughter. I want her to bowl, and I want to teach her, but I don't want to be one of "those" parents. I also want her to feel like she can tell me if she doesn't want to do it anymore without fear of dissapointing me, or making me mad. I guess the good news is I know wrong from right, and what to say and not say, and that puts me miles ahead of my father.

[billf]

Bowling is one thing I can share with my daughter. I didn't teach it to her, her taught me. I tool the basics she taught me and transformed into a decent bowler. Now she comes to me for advice and I still go to her for bowling matters.
Parenting; this is going to sound crazy but the Drill Sargent Academy taught me how to be a parent. Not the yelling and screaming part. But the part where they taught us to make the punishment creative. This is of course only after making sure they know what is expected, exactly. Then be consistent. If curfew is 9:00pm then you have to have a punishment if she comes home at 9:01pm. Know where your limit is and have them believe you're at that point when you reach half that. That keeps you from ever reaching your breaking point.
The temper issue is one I have been dealing with all my life. It's nowhere near as bad as when I was younger. Leaving the Army definitely helped with that but also realizing that wasn't the person I wanted to be. That I was better than that and that I could learn to control it. Although the Army capitalized on my temper for their purposes, they also gave me the self-esteem I never had before then. You will make mistakes, it's part of being human. Just try to recognize them quickly, don't compound them or repeat them. Wanting to be a good dad is the first step.
Congratulations on the birth of your daughter!

[AZBowla]

Whether it comes to bowling, schooling, or anything else your kids do, the most important thing you can do is encourage them to do their best.

It doesn't matter if that means getting a c- in Algebra or breaking 100 in bowling or whatever, if that's their best then let them know how proud you are of them, and if it's not their best then challenge them to do better. I have an adorable little step-son who has severe ADHD and is at times a little holy terror because of it. He simply can't help it at this point. We're working on getting him treatment for it but in the meanwhile we just encourage him to do his best. Right now, that means comimg home from Kindergarten with a daily progress report that has more smiles than frowns on it - he gets a smile for doing good in an activity, a straight face for doing so-so and a frown whenever he misbehaves or doesn't participate. 5 or more smiles on the daily report means he gets to have a treat from the local convenience store on the way home. It's working well so far and just about each day he makes progress. If we were to yell at him all the time and make him feel stupid then I have no doubts the opposite would happen and things would get worse.

Another thing to remember is that parenting is not something you have to do alone. There are plenty of support groups, resources and educational materials out there to help you cope with just about anything your kids will throw at you. If you're yelling at your child more often than not, you need help. Don't be afraid to ask for it. After all, this is your kid we're talking about here. They deserve the best, right?

Good thread.

[ILike2Bowl]

Well put. I used to play baseball my whole life and my dad always pushed me and was trying to make me something that I wasn't. The sport wasn't fun anymore and got really boring. It just got so stress full and I just quit. Now that I am starting up bowling I try to have him at my lessons very little. When he's there I just get stressed and cant even break 70! I want this sport to last and be fun!