wannabepro

Bowling is bowling.

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I'm not sure how to change my username can someone help with that? So i'm just writing this blog entry in order to blow off some steam. I create a general dislike towards myself because of my failures in bowling. Last night I had a shot at a 300 and an 800 in the same set again. I say again because I have done it before. Problem was that this time I was nervous for no real reason. I bowl in a house where it takes a damn miracle for anyone to get 11 in a row. It's very easy to throw pocket 7-10s, 8-10s, and yes right or left 7-9s. I was shaking uncontrollably for no reason. I have done so many great things in bowling as a young man but for some reason last night it got too me. I have ran games out in scratch tournaments before. When I fail I create these self doubts that I won't make it there again. I'm not sure if it is because of where I bowl but I should honestly have at least one every week. I know it is bowling and things don't work like that just so you know i'm in reality. I watch PBA on tv and that 19 year old kid threw 11 300s in one week and I feel ashamed I have only done it three times so far and despite being only being 20 I am older then him so it bugs me. This is why in high school I learned my dreams of becoming a professional bowler meant nothing because reality has its own plan. I bowl three sometimes four nights a week with all the talent in the world yet I keep screwing up. I also have the awards for 800 and 300 so I don't have as much motivation. I feel like I don't know where bowling will go from here which makes it pointless except for the fact I bowl with my father which is the best feeling ever. I feel like I deserve more because of how many times I get screwed out of an 800 or a 300 on a regular basis which then makes me feel like a failure because I will make it to the tenth all the time but then usually only get 9. Last night was different though. I actually was tripping out ten pins which is rare for my bowling house for even the guys that travel to nationals and such. I even slopped one down in the tenth and I should have taken the extra second to casually go back to the table at least just this time. Ironically I received my 300 award from USBC last night. I have a 99% strong mental game but the one percent got me last night when I had another shot at it. I just want people to look at me and say that i'm a good bowler without criticism. People in my bowling alley with mouth off about anything. I was bullied my whole life by everyone I knew and especially from people I thought were my friends. Compile that with the fact I always hear other people being praised and I just want to be one of those people. However it is nights like last night that just give my haters a reason to hate. I know i'm good enough but sadly i'm failing to other people and especially myself that i'm good. I'm not looking for a pity party or a pat on the back and for someone to say i'm good because I seek the approval. I just want the world to know how good I could have been and already am. It also stems to more then bowling. Disclaimer I love my life but it is also one that I wouldn't choose. I'm 20 no license, no job, no real friends, broke but I keep bowling because I am making money from that that gets me by in life, I live at home with my parents, and i'm also not in school. These things are not my choice. I would rather be going to school, working hard and have a life. The reason I say this is because it makes bowling extremely important to me being my only outlet. Thus doubling the fact I feel like a failure because I can't even do that right or so it feels. I don't expect anyone to read this much or this post at all. For the first time in my life though I feel like I can just write about my issues and not feel so stupid for having emotions. Maybe someone out there younger/older can read my blogs and learn from them and do better things with there life. That being said though i'm still grateful to be alive. So please don't get the wrong idea. Thank you if you have actually read this. I hope someone can relate and learn from this. If you have any tips or some sage advice you can share please do. Try to keep the comments positive please.

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Comments

  1. 1VegasBowler's Avatar
    Just my opinion here.

    I think part of the problem is being able to embrace a challenge when the pressure is on at any given moment.

    Personally, I want to be in the pressure situations whenever possible to make myself mentally stronger and I want to take it on full force.

    Sometimes I come through and sometimes I don't, but I don't dwell on the misses. I look at them as learning tool and see what adjustments I have to make within to do better next time. Anything you can do to make yourself mentally stronger for the next opportunity is the key to success.

    At the age of 53 I have enough physical limitations where I probably shouldn't be bowling, and it has affected my game, but I refuse to let my body dictate what I can and can not do. Even as recently as Tues April 5th, I had surgery to remove 2 kidney stones and have a stent put inside of me. Being uncomfortable would be a vast understatement.

    While I also have a sour shoulder, slide knee (naturally), 4 herniated disks and gout, I will not allow these things to totally disrupt my life, and I do what it takes t battle through it all.

    Think of some of the greatest athletes in each sport and imagine what it took them to get where they ended up. each one of them had bad stretches in their careers, but they always came through when it mattered most.

    Even at 53, I'm going to be in a PBA Challenge League this summer because I want the challenge and make myself better, despite the fact I will not be putting up scores that I would be on a regular league THS. In fact, I will more than likely be 40 pins worse on my average.

    Always remember this too. Never blame the equipment, only the equipment operator
  2. wannabepro's Avatar
    Thanks I appreciate the reply. But like I said I have thrived there in pressure situations galore. My whole life I have been battling myself and everyone else. I think it's just what is going on in my life that gets too me. I'm always worried about bad karma or good karma so I usually end up doing nothing. I haven't gotten anywhere in life in general so I put that constant need to compensate to always be the "best in the world"(obviously i'm not) at bowling. I believe it's how my life is been and how it is and which i'm not saying my life is the worst i'm very realistic in every way about that. My whole life the only thing people thought of me was that I was kid who had potential at bowling. It's still the only thing I have going for me. So I believe I put these unnecessary pressures on myself when I bowl. I have won tournaments, I was first freshman to make states, first freshman to win singles conference, bowled against WRWJ when I was 7 while being recorded for the local news and also interviewed. I also had made it into the local paper as a child once before and most often i'm still in there every week because the guy who runs the newspaper is a bowler so he makes a special section. My point is my life was tailor made to be a bowler. My dad is even a certified gold coach with 25 years experience. I'm anything but confident but I know my skills are not sub par. I'm knowledgeable and experienced. I figured because they are connected this wouldn't be a bad place to spill my heart out. Maybe I just peaked early in life and I just have to except all this. I can appreciate your effort because my dad is 55, diabetic, has a broken back, shattered neck, and neuropathy in both of his legs and the only thing that keeps him going is his love for bowling and his family. That's not to one up you it's just saying I kind of understand how hard that must be. I just feel like my life and bowling are both flops. Also like I said i'm not depressed and I love my life. I have no one to talk to about these things so i'm glad you read and gave some of your precious time to read my blog.
  3. Amyers's Avatar
    I understand where you are coming from wannabepro. On the life issues I felt the same way when I was your age. All through school I was one of the smarter kids in class and just felt I was destined to be something in life. The due to some events my life just kind of fell apart my junior year of high school. I found myself with no high school diploma and in a serious case of depression. I got my GED, got a job working as a security guard and put myself into college and got a 2 year degree in business. When I graduated I still couldn't find a job in my field and ended up selling appliances at a local furniture store. I was eventually promoted to store manager but they treated everyone like crap so I left and was hired as a loan officer with a major mortgage company where I worked making a lot of money and eventually was promoted to district manager making huge money then the financial crisis hit and I found myself back at square one. Today I work for a non profit helping low to moderate income people improve their financial situation I make about 1/4 of what I used too but I think I'm happier than I ever have been in my life. The moral of the story is find something your interested in, make a plan on how to get there, and don't be surprised if your path is different than you expect but make sure you do something you are interested in and care about. Do what ever it takes to obtain this, go back to school, take a job you don't want, move, whatever's necessary and you will eventually find where you belong.

    Karma doesn't exists put it out of your head. We put ourselves in good and bad situations and how we come out of them is a roll of the dice. The important thing to remember is that dice don't have a memory. If you put yourself in bad situations it's more likely that you will have bad outcomes and vise versa but we all know those people that can get away with doing the stupidest things and come out smelling like a rose and those people who work hard and just want to live their life and get nothing but crapped on. That's life except it and move on.

    The 300 and 800 thing at this point in bowling is nothing more than a carry contest on THS patterns for the upper level house players. Why beat yourself up over that? Honestly the difference between 268 and 300 is really just up to how the pins roll around on the deck. If you really want to challenge yourself and find out how good you can really be bowl on sport leagues and in tournaments that feature sport shots. I think you do some of this now too. Don't beat yourself up for the past only worry about today. Yesterday is always gone and tomorrow is always a day away only the present can effect you.

    I don't know how to tell you to make it as a pro bowler in this day and age unfortunately just talent won't get you there and unless you are simply the top .01% you can't make a living doing it exclusively. If that is your dream though your young follow it and see where it leads. Your going to need money get going with it though so find something to do that gives you the opportunity to follow your dreams you may not make it but even if you don't you may find your path on the journey there. Good luck.
  4. wannabepro's Avatar
    Amyers.....I'm 20, broke, no job, no license like I said not by choice. The difference between me and a homeless person right now is that my parents are letting me live with them. I finished high school but I can't go to college because as a dependent my family makes too much but not enough to help. Absolutely no one will help me get a license. Everyone I know is just keeping me down but helping me because i'm down. So if you could give some advice on how you got of that that would be greatly appreciated. At this point I would rather be a musician or an actor because I can do both and I feel like there is more of a chance for me to pursue those goals/dreams. There are chances around me all the time for acting but just kinda nervous and well I don't have a car to go anywhere lol. Bowling just reminds me of how close I became so many times to being something and just end up failing that is how my general life and bowling are connected. Believe me it is extremely hard to get any carry where I bowl. We have had different pros come here ONCE and never came back because they didn't like it. When I met PBIII he said he had heard of it and said he would never bowl there thats how bad it is. There is no sport leagues where i'm from and with my current situation I can bowl one tournament a year which was a month ago and I won that one. Had some of the Michigan semi pros in it . When I beat the last guy who was this sponsored bowler he was mouthing off while I was bowling to people in the back with my dad standing right there and he said "looks like he has this shot down" when I won. Before we started he said "this kid is young i'll finish him off early." I shared that because it's funny. I want to stress this because with every comment I post it sounds more and more like I want a pity party but i simply don't. Once I find my calling I will dedicate myself to the fullest. Thank you for taking the time to reply and sharing your story.
  5. Amyers's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by wannabepro
    Amyers.....I'm 20, broke, no job, no license like I said not by choice. The difference between me and a homeless person right now is that my parents are letting me live with them. I finished high school but I can't go to college because as a dependent my family makes too much but not enough to help. Absolutely no one will help me get a license. Everyone I know is just keeping me down but helping me because i'm down. So if you could give some advice on how you got of that that would be greatly appreciated. At this point I would rather be a musician or an actor because I can do both and I feel like there is more of a chance for me to pursue those goals/dreams. There are chances around me all the time for acting but just kinda nervous and well I don't have a car to go anywhere lol. Bowling just reminds me of how close I became so many times to being something and just end up failing that is how my general life and bowling are connected. Believe me it is extremely hard to get any carry where I bowl. We have had different pros come here ONCE and never came back because they didn't like it. When I met PBIII he said he had heard of it and said he would never bowl there thats how bad it is. There is no sport leagues where i'm from and with my current situation I can bowl one tournament a year which was a month ago and I won that one. Had some of the Michigan semi pros in it . When I beat the last guy who was this sponsored bowler he was mouthing off while I was bowling to people in the back with my dad standing right there and he said "looks like he has this shot down" when I won. Before we started he said "this kid is young i'll finish him off early." I shared that because it's funny. I want to stress this because with every comment I post it sounds more and more like I want a pity party but i simply don't. Once I find my calling I will dedicate myself to the fullest. Thank you for taking the time to reply and sharing your story.
    Transportation can be a big problem or a small one depending on where you live. If you are more in the city what about busses? If you are in a more rural area it can be more difficult. I mowed lawns to get the money to buy my first car and pay my insurance during the summer and cleaned houses during the winter for some of the more elderly people in the small town I grew up in. It's not that hard to make $1000 and buy a beater car to get around in. You may find that if your doing something that people can see evidence that your trying to do something people get a whole lot more motivated to help you. I don't know what's in your area but if you put yourself out there and look I've never been unable to find something to do even if I didn't always like what it was.

    If you want to return to school you might look into that more. You may not have qualified for a grant for 100% of your schooling but I've never seen anyone who couldn't get enough on student loans to attend a Community or Technical college. Maybe look at a trade school if you can get into one of those. The big thing is to do something being at home not working or going to school is not good for your psyche.

    I don't think your looking for a pity party but I do believe you may be suffering from at least mild depression which is ok. Your at a tough point and things haven't worked out like you planned. It happens. The important thing is that you find something for yourself to move forward with your life and quit looking for other people to pick you up if that was going to work for you it would have by now. Time to move on make a plan and find a solution and don't lose it if your first attempt doesn't work keep at it. I've had to hit the reset button more times in my life than I care to admit.
  6. wannabepro's Avatar
    Let's put it this way....we don't have neighbors. The only type of loan/grant or scholarship I ever qualified for was the direct Stafford loan and not even for the full amount. I could only receive a max of 5,500. I have done all the fasfa channels and worked my way around the web and nothing. Community or Technical schools costs to much beyond 5,000 for me. That's why I can't go to school. I did athletics in my school and despite making it to states for four years I don't qualify for because I believe the reason is it was in bowling. Which is weird because another local college offered one of my team mates a scholarship for bowling because they have a team who was like a 170 average. Compared to my 210 average? I don't think so. I have a car already but the only thing i'm saying is all I need help with is getting a license. I know how to drive but no one has the time to take me in. Thank you for listening to me or reading me excuse the pun lol. I appreciate it for no one has really put this much thought into anything I have had to say. Thank you so much I appreciate it a lot.
  7. Amyers's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by wannabepro
    Let's put it this way....we don't have neighbors. The only type of loan/grant or scholarship I ever qualified for was the direct Stafford loan and not even for the full amount. I could only receive a max of 5,500. I have done all the fasfa channels and worked my way around the web and nothing. Community or Technical schools costs to much beyond 5,000 for me. That's why I can't go to school. I did athletics in my school and despite making it to states for four years I don't qualify for because I believe the reason is it was in bowling. Which is weird because another local college offered one of my team mates a scholarship for bowling because they have a team who was like a 170 average. Compared to my 210 average? I don't think so. I have a car already but the only thing i'm saying is all I need help with is getting a license. I know how to drive but no one has the time to take me in. Thank you for listening to me or reading me excuse the pun lol. I appreciate it for no one has really put this much thought into anything I have had to say. Thank you so much I appreciate it a lot.
    No problem with listening at all. I still remember what it was like for me at that age and it wasn't easy. I may not have a solution for you all I can tell you is continue to look for one and eventually if you put forth the effort a way out will present itself. Best of luck in bowling and life.
  8. Hot_pocket's Avatar
    Listen you sound like an animal on the lanes. I'm 25 an don't have the confidence you have now, wasn't always that way. Funny thing is I was considered one of the best Jr bowlers in my county for 2 years but now I straight suck. But whats amazing is people still watch me bowl and go "damn he's good", while I shoot 580 lol. So dont doubt your game over 1 missed opertunity like i do. I have had a serious reality check about my mental game thanks to sport shots but its messed with me to a point where i can barely hit a house shot. Dont feel down because your good and you know it jist like everyone who watches you bowl. The next step is getting yourself out there however possible. If your making money bowling try your best to find a way to the DMV. Then check even your local house to see if their hiring. I didn't get my first real job till after I had a kid on the way, now that's some real pressure, even thought about doing illegal things. But don't resort to that because things change with time. You're young and can make things happen. Try and get some video out to the major bowling schools maybe they can offer a full ride being that you seem to have alot of talent. The internet is vast so use it to research as much as possible to establish yourself, I know easier said then done but hard is not impossible
  9. Jessiewoodard57's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by wannabepro
    Maybe someone out there younger/older can read my blogs and learn from them .
    That statement could be your answer. With your ability have you considered giving lessons? or even training to be a certified coach since this is something your dad could help you with. That would be an income source since you are already at the lanes 3 to 4 times a week. Granted you wouldn't get rich but it ifs a start and in a field that you obviously love. You would have to work on the anger at your self but even that could be overcome.
  10. wannabepro's Avatar
    Hot_pocket congratulations on winning that ball. Odds are if you were a top prospect at an early age them i'm sure you are only one step away from getting those scores that you want. I firmly believe anyone with enough experience and will can be a great bowler. My local alley isn't hiring but always excepts applications. Given they all know me and my life even though I haven't done anything against the law i'm sure they wouldn't hire me. I'm from a small town so there is this high school mentality. If your in certain groups your okay but if your not then they act like you shouldn't be there. Wichita State offered me my senior year 8,000 a school year just because they were working with my state at the time through some program I can't remember. It's been three years. Believe it or not i have thought about becoming a coach. The nearest school however is over three hours away. Also I know that if I become one and teach in that bowling ally then all these people will talk crap about me behind my back. I hate attention because people have always done that so i'm afraid of the haters so they cut me deeply with words. Otherwise yeah I would love to become a certified coach. Now that I think about I would kinda love to teach Team USA in any international event or help pros on or off tv. I think you may have sparked something in me Jessiewoodard57. Also hot pocket i'm going to take your advice and try out the old sport scholarship thing. Thanks guys. Amyers once again thanks and I will do anything but give up.
  11. Hot_pocket's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by wannabepro
    Hot_pocket congratulations on winning that ball. Odds are if you were a top prospect at an early age them i'm sure you are only one step away from getting those scores that you want. I firmly believe anyone with enough experience and will can be a great bowler. My local alley isn't hiring but always excepts applications. Given they all know me and my life even though I haven't done anything against the law i'm sure they wouldn't hire me. I'm from a small town so there is this high school mentality. If your in certain groups your okay but if your not then they act like you shouldn't be there. Wichita State offered me my senior year 8,000 a school year just because they were working with my state at the time through some program I can't remember. It's been three years. Believe it or not i have thought about becoming a coach. The nearest school however is over three hours away. Also I know that if I become one and teach in that bowling ally then all these people will talk crap about me behind my back. I hate attention because people have always done that so i'm afraid of the haters so they cut me deeply with words. Otherwise yeah I would love to become a certified coach. Now that I think about I would kinda love to teach Team USA in any international event or help pros on or off tv. I think you may have sparked something in me Jessiewoodard57. Also hot pocket i'm going to take your advice and try out the old sport scholarship thing. Thanks guys. Amyers once again thanks and I will do anything but give up.
    Let the haters hate because their thoughts and expectations don't matter. People are always going to hate but it's a matter of will to not give a flying you know what. The best part about being somebody is not becoming anybody. What it means is pretty much you will become your own unique person and not just another somebody from your town. I started the first course for USBC coaching just never continued. But I definitely want to help grow the sport and give back to the kids. Let that spark ignite and don't fear the haters, embrace it and use it as motivation.