The Official Joke Thread

[Maine Man]

A blonde text my phone and here is the transcript of our interaction:

blonde: "What does idk mean?"

me: "I don't know"

blonde: "OMG, nobody seems to know!!!"

[poflobo]

A blonde woman was sitting on an airplane, staring straight ahead and listening to her Ipod.

A stewardess came by and asked her if she needed anything. The blonde just stared straight ahead and never answered. The stewardess asked her again, but the blonde ignored her.

She was ticked off. The stewardess reached over and pulled the earphones out of the passenger's ears. The blonde woman screamed, gasped and fell over DEAD! There was nothing the stewardess could do to save her.

It was then she noticed noise coming from the blonde's Ipod. She picked up earphones and heard... "Breathe in! Breathe out!" "Breathe in! Breathe out!"

[Maine Man]

What do you get when you line up 100 Blondes ear to ear?

A wind tunnel....

[poflobo]

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces ( USRSF) from East Texas .

These boys will be dropped off in Afghanistan and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the problem in Afghanistan to be over by Friday.!

[hondo]

An attorney at the peak of life, and in great physical shape, suddenly drops over dead at the age of 38.

He arrives at the Pearly Gates and immediately asked, "Why did I die so young, surely this is an error?"

St. Peter looks into the Great Book of Life and replies, "Sorry no mistake, according to this you died at the age preordained."

That doesn't seem fair, for ones lifespan to be only 38 years, replied the attorney.

St. Peter, looking confused for a second, says, "No, it says you were to die when you turned 89."

The attorney immediately protests and asks St. Peter to look into his death.

After a few moments of studying St. Peter says, "Ah, I see the problem, we calculated your age by your billable hours to clients."

[poflobo]

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge in Bozeman , Montana , while waiting for their respective flights...
One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East.

Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.

The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face, and lights a cigarette. The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes.

Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, "At one time here... my people were many... but sadly, now we are few."

The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward,
"Once my people were few," he sneers,"'and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"

The cowboy removes his cigarette from his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl . . .

"I reckon that's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet,
But I do believe it's a-comin'."

[Maine Man]

What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant?

"Dead-ant..........Dead-ant......................Dead-ant...Dead-ant...Dead-ant!!"

[poflobo]

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba-boom Tiiiish! ;{P

[Jord_84]

For the younger members of these forums, this series of emails does contain profanity.

Epic lawn chair war
lawn chair war page 2
epic lawn chair war conclusion

[Maine Man]

What is the difference between a golf ball and an Escalade?

Tiger Woods can drive the golf ball 300 yards straight.