You're correct when you say that every one muscles the ball at some point. The point that you want should be at your release point. I call it "the explosion point". That's the only spot where you should be using any force whatsoever and that's just to push the ball out onto the lane and to rotate the ball with your wrist and fingers. Before that "point" ist should be all gravity. Easy to say, somewhat hard to accomplish, but when you do finally achieve it your "lightbulb" will go on and you'll feel it. That's what you want, is to feel it.
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