HELP FIND ASLAN a WOMAN!!

[MICHAEL]

Please apply here, picture would be nice, if you enjoy bowling and have an average above 97 that would be a huge plus!
He is looking for a real hot looking woman that might be a Bronze level or above bowling coach! If not that's not a big deal, but you must be Great Eye Candy! APPLY HERE.....................

[tccstudent]

well I checked the Storm ladies bowlers and I found one in Phoenix that her bio did not mention being married and I think she is hot and she is a coach.
http://www.stormbowling.com/img/bowlers/386/medium.jpg
http://www.stormbowling.com/athlete/ladies/386

[dnhoffman]

I think you might be better off starting a Kickstarter campaign for this to raise money instead.

Because let's face it: you're going to have to pay someone.

[classygranny]

Ummm....I think Tina might be out of his "league". No pun intended.

[MICHAEL]

A good picture of you for the women that might be interested in a stud-muffin-of-a bowler!! This is you chance to fix ONE part of your life that needs help, AND maybe even an other!

Why am I doing this,,, because you have become almost a step son to me, with SPECIAL NEEDS!

I know you have a deep void in your love department, and I think THIS MIGHT JUST WORK! Make it a good picture, who knows how many beautiful women bowling coaches with Bronze level or maybe even HIGHER, (might jump at a chance to have a dream date with you!) (picture love boat music playing in the back ground while reading this thread)!

P.S. This is it,,,, This is the time,,,,, Lets get you a woman that can be your half that's missing!

Women out there send your pictures, and reasons whey you think your good enough for The Lion,,, Aslan of bowlingboards.com!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ew92Rtwkg5E

[Aslan]

well I checked the Storm ladies bowlers and I found one in Phoenix that her bio did not mention being married and I think she is hot and she is a coach.
http://www.stormbowling.com/img/bowlers/386/medium.jpg
http://www.stormbowling.com/athlete/ladies/386

I'm gonna just say…despite the top-40/90s musical baggage…I'm giving tCC MAD props for this pick!! I would almost drive to Pheonix once every couple weeks to date her. Well played TCC…a FINE choice.

[Aslan]

A good picture of you for the women that might be interested in a stud-muffin-of-a bowler!!

Can't you just use one of the videos I posted. I hate posting pics of me on here because half the time I can't figure it out and I don't want to you use imageshack because then a picture of me is "out there" in cyberspace. And Lord knows that the real reason you want it is to photoshop the **** out of it and post it and make fun of me. I have 3 sets of videos on here…all recent…all a good representative of what I look like. If thats not enough…I'm planning on making another set of videos next Friday so I can get noeymc and everyone to offer their critiques.

And if that REALLY isn't enough and you need a picture; I'll try to upload one.

I would fire back at doff and Granny…but in all honesty…they are making good points. Of my 30-40 sexual partners…I think all but 10 required financial compensation. And most of the other ones required at least a moderate amount of alcohol. So Iceman…you're probably going to hit that elusive 800 series before this project bears fruit. But just to play along…all interested ladies should apply with the following criteria in mind:

1) You must be hot. Not a "10"…but the minimum is that you should be able to wear a 2-piece bathing suit in public without it being embarrassing.
2) I weigh 215. So, you need to weigh less than that.
3) I'm cutting off the age at 54. There is no lower limit, but women don't age well. Don't blame me! Blame God. Believe me, I wish you gals got hotter with age…it would make walking around on the beach with 19-21 year olds running around not so damn frustrating. But it is what it is.
4) I'd prefer you be fertile. So we're talking probably <40. I'ts not a "firm" requirement…but Aslan would like to have one more chance at a natural born male to follow in his elite bowling footsteps.
5) You need to be very sexual. I'm not talking weird…but if you're a gal that has weird issues with being molested as a child or you have some weird guilt stuff going on….Aslan requires sex on an almost daily basis…so prudes need not apply. And disease free is a must!
6) You need to be fun.
7) You need to be intelligent, preferably college educated.
8) No Muslims. I don't want to get implicated in some terrorist funding things because your uncle in Lebanon owns a "store".
9) I'm setting the kid limit at 2. If you have more than 2 kids…then you better be dang hot and dang rich. More than 3 kids…can't do it. College tuition is too high these days.
10) No cats. If you're super hot…I'll maybe give in on ONE cat. Dogs are okay. But if your house/apartment smells like pet urine…I'm out. That makes me nauseous.
11) I'd prefer a sports fan…but not the Colorado Avaanche or Chicago Blackhawks. Those a deal breakers. And no NBA fans. Pro basketball is stupid. And no Nascar fans. Nascar is even more stupid than basketball.
12) I'm open to all political persuasions…but if you're a hardcore Libertarian or an ultra-right conservative…thats gonna be rough. I consider anyone that is THAT far to the right for other than religious reasons to be completely clueless. If I have to listen to a woman drone on about flat taxes or how Fox News isn't biased…my head "may" explode.
13) You need a job. I'd prefer it not be "exotic dancer" or "escort". But SOME type of job is mandatory. My money is tied up in bowling, poker, an outrageous amount of debt, and some divorce expenses…I am not in the position to be a "sugar daddy".
14) My ideal woman would have the body of Mia Nygren, the personality of Jamie Buchman (character in "Mad About You"), and the sex drive of Sasha Grey. And the intellect of a medical doctor. Sense of humor of Sarah Silverman.
15) Loyal…no cheaters!!!

As to my "attributes" to sell to prospective ladies….in addition to my very average looks:

- still have a full set of hair.
- average or better in the "downstairs" department.
- overweight, but not that bad.
- tall, athletic, STD free
- extremely funny/good sense of humor
- very good in the bedroom
- love animals (except house cats, insects, and man-eating animals)
- good with kids and old people love me
- income near 100k, however net worth probably around - $34,000
- well educated and degreed
- never been arrested
- family background is normal, nothing too toxic

So there's a "short list"…ya know, to get this thing rolling. I'll sit around and wait for the applications to roll in!!

[MICHAEL]

Can't you just use one of the videos I posted. I hate posting pics of me on here because half the time I can't figure it out and I don't want to you use imageshack because then a picture of me is "out there" in cyberspace. And Lord knows that the real reason you want it is to photoshop the **** out of it and post it and make fun of me. I have 3 sets of videos on here…all recent…all a good representative of what I look like. If thats not enough…I'm planning on making another set of videos next Friday so I can get noeymc and everyone to offer their critiques.

And if that REALLY isn't enough and you need a picture; I'll try to upload one.

I would fire back at doff and Granny…but in all honesty…they are making good points. Of my 30-40 sexual partners…I think all but 10 required financial compensation. And most of the other ones required at least a moderate amount of alcohol. So Iceman…you're probably going to hit that elusive 800 series before this project bears fruit. But just to play along…all interested ladies should apply with the following criteria in mind:

1) You must be hot. Not a "10"…but the minimum is that you should be able to wear a 2-piece bathing suit in public without it being embarrassing.
2) I weigh 215. So, you need to weigh less than that.
3) I'm cutting off the age at 54. There is no lower limit, but women don't age well. Don't blame me! Blame God. Believe me, I wish you gals got hotter with age…it would make walking around on the beach with 19-21 year olds running around not so damn frustrating. But it is what it is.
4) I'd prefer you be fertile. So we're talking probably <40. I'ts not a "firm" requirement…but Aslan would like to have one more chance at a natural born male to follow in his elite bowling footsteps.
5) You need to be very sexual. I'm not talking weird…but if you're a gal that has weird issues with being molested as a child or you have some weird guilt stuff going on….Aslan requires sex on an almost daily basis…so prudes need not apply. And disease free is a must!
6) You need to be fun.
7) You need to be intelligent, preferably college educated.
8) No Muslims. I don't want to get implicated in some terrorist funding things because your uncle in Lebanon owns a "store".
9) I'm setting the kid limit at 2. If you have more than 2 kids…then you better be dang hot and dang rich. More than 3 kids…can't do it. College tuition is too high these days.
10) No cats. If you're super hot…I'll maybe give in on ONE cat. Dogs are okay. But if your house/apartment smells like pet urine…I'm out. That makes me nauseous.
11) I'd prefer a sports fan…but not the Colorado Avaanche or Chicago Blackhawks. Those a deal breakers. And no NBA fans. Pro basketball is stupid. And no Nascar fans. Nascar is even more stupid than basketball.
12) I'm open to all political persuasions…but if you're a hardcore Libertarian or an ultra-right conservative…thats gonna be rough. I consider anyone that is THAT far to the right for other than religious reasons to be completely clueless. If I have to listen to a woman drone on about flat taxes or how Fox News isn't biased…my head "may" explode.
13) You need a job. I'd prefer it not be "exotic dancer" or "escort". But SOME type of job is mandatory. My money is tied up in bowling, poker, an outrageous amount of debt, and some divorce expenses…I am not in the position to be a "sugar daddy".
14) My ideal woman would have the body of Mia Nygren, the personality of Jamie Buchman (character in "Mad About You"), and the sex drive of Sasha Grey. And the intellect of a medical doctor. Sense of humor of Sarah Silverman.
15) Loyal…no cheaters!!!

As to my "attributes" to sell to prospective ladies….in addition to my very average looks:

- still have a full set of hair.
- average or better in the "downstairs" department.
- overweight, but not that bad.
- tall, athletic, STD free
- extremely funny/good sense of humor
- very good in the bedroom
- love animals (except house cats, insects, and man-eating animals)
- good with kids and old people love me
- income near 100k, however net worth probably around - $34,000
- well educated and degreed
- never been arrested
- family background is normal, nothing too toxic

So there's a "short list"…ya know, to get this thing rolling. I'll sit around and wait for the applications to roll in!!

WoW,,, that's all your looking for!!!! You might be better off joining that blonde that went to the convent! "What do Nun's and Aslan have in common??? They both don't get nun!!! LOL..

Ok serious, The ABOVE LIST is going to be HARD, but not completely impossible! YES WE NEED A PICTURE OF YOU like those police Mug shots! Profile, and straight on!

This will work my Californian friend! AND, once this happens you will be a new Man/bowler!!

I have seen what happens when the love boat sets sail!! Now POST THAT PICTURE, and wait for the MAGIC to HAPPEN!!

It will Aslan,,,, Have faith, like the Nun!!

[MICHAEL]

I am Mike's, ( I mean Iceman neighbor,lol,lol)

I don't have a computer, but I do have a love of bowling! In fact anything you like, I am sure I could love too! I don't bowl that much, but looking at your scores, guess what big guy,,, I think you could score with me! Bowing that is, LOL,,,LOL,,,! I think we just might have a lot in common, including bowing averages! Mine is about 145 on a good day when the sun is shrining!

Anyway, Mike, ( Imean Iceman will give me a call if you decided you want to send me a ticket to fly out to CA!)
Hope to hear from you soon.... ( my name is susan,,, and I know you like blondes,,,, guess what Aslan!!) I have sent a picture!

[e-tank]

Jw Aslan, do you even lift?