HELP FIND ASLAN a WOMAN!!

[Aslan]

-lifting burns more cals than cardio
-weight isnt lost because muscle mass is gained
-youre never too old for lifting
-i currently bench 415, im not 300lbs, and my gf loves every pound of it.

It's THAT belief that fills gyms with overweight guys lifting barbells and staring at themselves in the mirror. Meanwhile, when I run 5Ks and 10Ks...virtually ZERO bodybuilders.

Weight lifting is great to tone up your physique. But if you're overweight...and you don't have some insanely low body % fat...having large biceps tends to get lost in the fact that you're butt requires elastic pants.

But at the end of the day, it's what you're going after, what your goal is. My goal is 170lbs, then maybe add 5lbs by incorporating more toning. Some people have different goals.

[tccstudent]

1) You must be hot. Not a "10"…but the minimum is that you should be able to wear a 2-piece bathing suit in public without it being embarrassing.
So apparently Muddpuppy is fine with a woman that can't wear a 2-piece in public. okay.
Have you never seen the women of walmart I have seen many women wear a 2-piece that have no business wearing one.


4) I'd prefer you be fertile. So we're talking probably <40. I'ts not a "firm" requirement…but Aslan would like to have one more chance at a natural born male to follow in his elite bowling footsteps.
Okay...apparently "fertile" is asking a little much according to MP
Dont you think one ASLAN is enough in this world


7) You need to be intelligent, preferably college educated.
MP...if you're saying I should focus on dumb chicks...you're going to tick off the relatively few female bowlers here by discounting intelligence as a positive attribute.gYou need to listen to my favorite song it will help you know what kind of girls to go after the song is by Jason Boland "Rich Young Dumb Nyphomaniac"

8) No Muslims. I don't want to get implicated in some terrorist funding things because your uncle in Lebanon owns a "store". "Maybe" aiming too high if I live in Dearborn...but really???s
There is nothing wrong with Islam its just the radical fundamentalists. But I can understand wanting someone of your own faith

11) I'd prefer a sports fan…but not the Colorado Avaanche or Chicago Blackhawks. Those a deal breakers. And no NBA fans. Pro basketball is stupid. And no Nascar fans. Nascar is even more stupid than basketball.
I admit not accepting NBA fans is pushing it in Cali...and the Nascar requirement eliminates every state southeast of Michigan and south of Chicago...so that may be true.The worst NASCAR fans in the country come from your neck in the woods check out Fontana or as yall call it Fontucky on raceday.

Ok here you go I gotta throw in my 2 cents

[Aslan]

Don't most people fail in the gym because they have no idea what they are doing and are to proud to ask for help? They would rather look stupid lifting and using the machines wrong then take a small amount of instruction from a certified trainer.

Sounds like bowling...

If you ask a trainer (or USBC coach).

I think the biggest mistakes I've seen at gyms are:

1) People who just go there and walk on a treadmill then get frustrated because the weight isn't coming off fast enough. They don't understand the amount of effort and time it takes to burn calories. Walking is great if you can't jog. And jogging is great if you can't run. But you have to allign your expectations with your ability/pace. For me to run off a meal...I have to run at a moderate pace for around 6 miles. Thats 6 miles in a little over an hour to just burn off a small-medium meal. So walking ONE mile...isn't going to make up for a dessert or 2 extra slices of pizza.

2) Weight loss "can" be accomplished by diet alone or exercise alone....but it's REALLY hard to do that way. I've tried both extremes and doing each without the other requires either a virtual starvation diet or a constant P90-X style intensive workout regiment. Most people can't sustain those for longer than a week.

3) Lifting weights doesn't make you lose weight. Lifting weights ADDs weight. So if a guy weighs 268 and wants to look sexier so he starts bench pressing and squating and doing barbells and push-ups...he's not going to lose weight. He may look slightly better with muscles that are more firm than before...but he'll still be obese. And when he stops lifting...that added bulk just becomes add fat and he's worse off than before.

Thats why most guys that women would say "look sexy or hot" are guys who are close to their ideal BMI/weight but with definition. So you skim the fat away then start defining those abs and pecs and biceps and shoulders. The goal should be to look more like an NFL wide receiver or defensive back and less like an offensive/defensive lineman. Don't get me wrong, lineman are IMPRESSIVELY strong. N. Suh can throw a grown man almost 9 feet through the air. But most women would actually prefer the body type of a Micheal Phelps. Swimmers aren't strong or bulky...but they are thin, almost no % fat, and very well defined. I tried adding swimming to my workout but I'll be honest...swimming is WAY harder than anything else. I ran 8 miles on Sunday afternoon and probably coulda ran 5-6 more. But after 4 laps in a regulation size pool...I feel like my heart is going to explode!!

[e-tank]

It's THAT belief that fills gyms with overweight guys lifting barbells and staring at themselves in the mirror. Meanwhile, when I run 5Ks and 10Ks...virtually ZERO bodybuilders.

Weight lifting is great to tone up your physique. But if you're overweight...and you don't have some insanely low body % fat...having large biceps tends to get lost in the fact that you're butt requires elastic pants.

But at the end of the day, it's what you're going after, what your goal is. My goal is 170lbs, then maybe add 5lbs by incorporating more toning. Some people have different goals.

lol what belief are you referring to?

btw i cant decipher if youre serious or kidding in your lifting replies. For your sake, i hope youre kidding

[Aslan]

Ok here you go I gotta throw in my 2 cents

I lived next door to some DIE HARD Nascar fans when I lived in Michigan. Michigan tends to be a bit of a "hot bed" for Nascar because of the car industry. And man...every dang weekend they'd have some redneck party while the race was on. I tried to go over and watch it with them just to be social...but I could NOT understand for the life of me why people find that entertaining.

Whether you have a list of 15 things or 10 things or 25 things....the only advice I can give is...be careful "settling". All of us will eventually "settle" because the absolute perfect mate just doesn't exist. But if you settle on someone...no matter how unimportant the thing(s) is/are that they lack...eventually it'll become a big deal.

Where I went to school, there were far more men than women...so I personally witnessed a LOT of guys "settle". If they had a list of 10 things...and they found a girl who met 2-4 of them...they'd go for it. Then those men got out in the real world...where the ratio is more like 50/50...and suddenly they were either divorced, cheating, or miserable. Because all those things that didn't matter when the options were few...matter a great deal when the options are many. Like Chris Rock said, "Men are as faithful as their OPTIONS." You meet a gal that has 75% or more of what you're looking for...you're probably okay. Love and familiarity and history and circumstances can make up the difference. But you settle on a gal who has 30-40%...that gal better keep you on a short, short leash....because you're BOUND to find another gal that meets 60-70% eventually.

[Aslan]

lol what belief are you referring to?

btw i cant decipher if youre serious or kidding in your lifting replies. For your sake, i hope youre kidding

I'm referring to the belief that if someone lifts weights and doesn't diet or do cardio that they will eventually look like Patrick Swayze in "Roadhouse". But...ya know what...I can't illustrate what I'm trying to say without pictures of the examples...and I never bothered to take any.

[tr33frog]

I'm referring to the belief that if someone lifts weights and doesn't diet or do cardio that they will eventually look like Patrick Swayze in "Roadhouse". But...ya know what...I can't illustrate what I'm trying to say without pictures of the examples...and I never bothered to take any.

Are you sure they are not looking to be more like the guys in the old worlds strongest man show? People have different perceptions of what is beautiful, and some women like their men bigger and some like their guys skinny with a 6 pack.

[MICHAEL]

We need to find Aslan a woman!!! We don't need to argue over male body types, and working out? Come on ladies, there must be someone out there that can fall for this Hunk of a man that doesn't ask for much, but would prefer, a Diva!!
No, he has the ball, he needs a woman flesh and blood!! Anyone know of any pointers that might help? Is it TRUE that once you reach a 230 average, chicks rush you as you enter the lanes, asking for autographs, and dates?? Could it be a simple as that for Aslan??? Would a Larry leisure Suit help????? Would it help to walk like John Travolta to the song Staying Alive,,,, is it that aloft attitude, rather then desperate that might open up a new chapter in his quest for eternal bliss!!

WE NEED Ideas, Forget the work outs! After reading the commits, I went out and purchased ANOTHER GYM membership!!! The power of the written word!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cov0bmfO_w

STUDY THIS WALK Aslan!!

[Mudpuppy]

WHoa...whoa....I gotta do an experiment here with Mr. Puppy...I'm gonna post my list of 15 things and see where Mr. Puppy feels I'm "aiming a little high":

1) You must be hot. Not a "10"…but the minimum is that you should be able to wear a 2-piece bathing suit in public without it being embarrassing.
So apparently Muddpuppy is fine with a woman that can't wear a 2-piece in public. okay.
2) I weigh 215. So, you need to weigh less than that.
Again, apparently MP feels that I'm aiming a little high by hoping for a woman that weighs LESS than me. 215!?? MP...215 is a LOT for a female!
3) I'm cutting off the age at 54. There is no lower limit, but women don't age well. Don't blame me! Blame God. Believe me, I wish you gals got hotter with age…it would make walking around on the beach with 19-21 year olds running around not so damn frustrating. But it is what it is.
So MP...are you saying that maybe I should broaden my targets to include women in their 60s and 70s?? Thats some extreme cougar hunting right there.
4) I'd prefer you be fertile. So we're talking probably <40. I'ts not a "firm" requirement…but Aslan would like to have one more chance at a natural born male to follow in his elite bowling footsteps.
Okay...apparently "fertile" is asking a little much according to MP.
5) You need to be very sexual. I'm not talking weird…but if you're a gal that has weird issues with being molested as a child or you have some weird guilt stuff going on….Aslan requires sex on an almost daily basis…so prudes need not apply. And disease free is a must!
MP...seriously? If you think asking for someone without severe mental trauma and absent of STDs is "aiming too high"...we need to get you to a clinic PRONTO!!
6) You need to be fun. Really?? So "fun" is out???
7) You need to be intelligent, preferably college educated.
MP...if you're saying I should focus on dumb chicks...you're going to tick off the relatively few female bowlers here by discounting intelligence as a positive attribute.
8) No Muslims. I don't want to get implicated in some terrorist funding things because your uncle in Lebanon owns a "store". "Maybe" aiming too high if I live in Dearborn...but really???
9) I'm setting the kid limit at 2. If you have more than 2 kids…then you better be dang hot and dang rich. More than 3 kids…can't do it. College tuition is too high these days.
MP! Why do I want some other dude's brats living off my dime??! How many kids did Mrs.-MP bring into the relationship??
10) No cats. If you're super hot…I'll maybe give in on ONE cat. Dogs are okay. But if your house/apartment smells like pet urine…I'm out. That makes me nauseous.
Okay...so now I'm being too picky because I've just ruled out hoarders and those people that you see on ASPCA Cops. Thats too picky.
11) I'd prefer a sports fan…but not the Colorado Avaanche or Chicago Blackhawks. Those a deal breakers. And no NBA fans. Pro basketball is stupid. And no Nascar fans. Nascar is even more stupid than basketball.
I admit not accepting NBA fans is pushing it in Cali...and the Nascar requirement eliminates every state southeast of Michigan and south of Chicago...so that may be true.
12) I'm open to all political persuasions…but if you're a hardcore Libertarian or an ultra-right conservative…thats gonna be rough. I consider anyone that is THAT far to the right for other than religious reasons to be completely clueless. If I have to listen to a woman drone on about flat taxes or how Fox News isn't biased…my head "may" explode.
Okay...this only limits tea party and libertarians...I'm still okay with moderate concervatives.
13) You need a job. I'd prefer it not be "exotic dancer" or "escort". But SOME type of job is mandatory. My money is tied up in bowling, poker, an outrageous amount of debt, and some divorce expenses…I am not in the position to be a "sugar daddy".
So a "JOB" is asking too much!!?
14) My ideal woman would have the body of Mia Nygren, the personality of Jamie Buchman (character in "Mad About You"), and the sex drive of Sasha Grey. And the intellect of a medical doctor. Sense of humor of Sarah Silverman.
Okay...this one's a bit out there...but it's only a guideline!!!
15) Loyal…no cheaters!!!
MP...again...you need to raise your standards if this is aiming too high.

MP...so lemme get this straight. If those 15 attributes are unrealistic...then the personal ad YOU would write...to find MP a woman...would be:

"Proud Michigander looking for female companion. Prefer obese women over 215lbs, over the age of 54 who are infertile and have a history of sexual trauma and STDs. I'd prefer a woman of low intelect, preferably a Muslim, who is very much not fun to be around. Please have more than 2 kids and a house that smells like pet urine. I'd prefer a white trash hillbilly or NBA fan. Please be unemployed, unattractive, a prude, and have no sense of humor and I'd prefer you be disloyal to me when you get a chance."- Yours always and Forever, Mudpuppy.

I'm gonna have to say...if I have to resort to MP's standards....being alone aint that bad. Just sayin.

First off baller I am not looking for a woman. I got one and never had any problem finding a good one. Fertile wise I have my 5th kid on the way March 28, 2014 so I am good there. Technically speaking right now she probably couldn't / shouldn't wear a 2 piece but in the course of normal non-pregnant days it is no problem. I agree on the weight - I am about 210 myself so yes I agree less than that. Although I am not looking in the 95-105 range. I don't want a crack addict or stick thin. Got to have some meat on the bones if you kwim. Hey man my wife is 6 years younger so I am good in your range. 54 would be extremely high for me - I would say sub-40s if I was looking. Sex on a daily basis? Better get you a blow up doll not a woman. Not happening. Lofty goal there. Fun is good. No muslims although that is a bit stereo-typical and a personal preference I would tend to lean that way as well. I only deal with my own kids. I have 4 now and soon to be 5. She brought none and I agree that is the way to go - 0 to 2 is a good range but 0 is better. I hate cats and yes hoarders are NFG. I happen to have a cat and that is all Mrs. MP brought into the relationship. I'd like to take that little ...... out hunting and not bring him back but I don't. I am with you on no NBA or nascar fans. That is a good goal. Political wise Mrs. MP and I don't see eye to eye or religion either - she is more conventional just tell me what to think and I am the opposite. Don't rule out political or religious parties unless they are complete whackos. Alex Jones' daughter - probably not. Leave that alone. I agree they need a job or at least be self-sufficient - I don't care how but yes you don't want a leech. # 14 even as a guideline might be why you are single. Loyal is always good and a must. Your version of my standards is quite humorous - thank you for the laugh. A bit off (by about everything) but funny as hell. Good luck in your search Mr. Aslan. You will find Mrs. Aslan soon enough....or just resort to internet loving for a fee.

[Aslan]

Are you sure they are not looking to be more like the guys in the old worlds strongest man show? People have different perceptions of what is beautiful, and some women like their men bigger and some like their guys skinny with a 6 pack.

1) The concept that some hot women might like a guy with a beer gut...I'm not saying they aren't there...but it is a terrible strategy to rely on meeting one. It's like closing your eyes, throwing a frisbee, and hoping it hits a unicorn. Now...if you lower your standards...sure. Women (or men if you're a woman) are like cars. You can always find one within your budget. But if you're picky on color, options, or how well it runs...things get more difficult.

2) Side note...I ran into (almost literally) a couple guys that compete in "World's Strongest Man" when I was walking through a hotel lobby. Those men...are MASSIVE. Not just "built"...they are literally MASSIVE individuals. I've met pro wrestlers and pro hockey players...and they are a lot bigger in person than on TV....but the World's Strongest Man guys...WOW. They must have been > 6'7"...and their legs were almost the size of my hips. Just amazing. I avoided literally running into them...but had I not, I doubt they'd have felt it. Even at 215 pounds I'd probably just bounce off without them feeling it.

And yes MP...I was sorta kidding in that post. I was pretty sure that by saying my standards were possibly too high you weren't implying that I should aim for the opposite. And I agree with the rest of your post.

I was gonna post a picture for Iceman to use in his quest...but he's far too good with photo editing software and has far too much time on his hands...so I'll just let my videos speak for themselves.