Originally Posted by
Aslan
As I write this....I realize that it is in a grey area between almost certainly being shut down (due to it being perceived as nothing but misogynistic dribble) and the post being stickied (as possibly the greatest thread of all time). So I need to do this tastefully, fairly, and include some decent level of bowling-related criteria.
So...I've come up with 8-point system/equation to determine the hottest 20 female bowlers currently chucking the rock. I'll not go into detail about the criteria....I don't want the ladies to try and change their approaches in order to move up (or down) the list.
Summary: This list takes the hottest young ladies in bowling...and then applies additional criteria, most of which is bowling/tour related, to create a list of the top female bowlers that Aslan would be interested in dating (for their looks, personality, and bowling prowess).
The List:
1) Diana Zavjalova- She's young, she's hot. In addition to that (as if thats not enough), she was one of the top 5 bowlers on the tour this year and has been competitive on the PBA National Tour as well.
2) Ashly Galante- Ashly had a rough year on the tour, but has always been a favorite of mine in the looks department. It's hard when you're as hot as Ashly because if YOU were that hot...would you want to hang around a bowling alley practicing? Or would you just want to walk around and smile as everyone drops their jaws.
3) Heather DErricho- This one isn't gonna be a huge fan favorite by the ladies since she is almost ONLY on this list THIS HIGH because she's mega hot. She's like Maria Sharapova. There are better bowlers....but not a lot of better looking bowlers. She had the lowest average of the field at 182.77 but makes up for it with abs that could deflect bullets. I get tired just reading about her workouts.
4) Sarah Lokker- She was a tough add to the list because of her age. At 23, she's the second youngest to make the list and LOOKS no older than about 15. She had a rough go of it being that young on the PWBA tour; averaged only 195.83. BUT...I watched a lot of her bowling and at times she looked REALLY good. She may not have finished well, but she made match play 3 times and thats something many of the ladies on the tour can't say. She got some deductions for being SO young...but a bump for being from my neck of the woods (where I grew up originally).
5) Danielle McEwan- Like Ashly Galante, I've always thought Danielle McEwen was gorgeous. She's a little young (24)...and if she's not married, she definitely has a boyfriend (Marshall Kent) that she seems to like a fair amount. But despite that, leading the PWBA hot list in average (214.27) and championship appearances (4) is going to get you in the top 5.
6) Jacqueline Carbonetto- I saw her for the first time this season; one of the advantages of the ladies having their own tour. Like Sarah, she's a bit on the young side....I think she might even still be in college...but an all around solid #6 with beauty and at least enough bowling prowess to make match play a few times this season.
7) Rocio Restrepo- She's like a younger, slightly hotter version of Clara Guerrero. But it's not all looks that gets her this high on the list. She also had 6 match play appearances and 4 championship appearances this season...one of only two women on this list that can say that. She got a slight downgrade for being a non-US bowler...and a big markdown due to being married...but still...a solid choice at #7.
8) Elise Bolton- The youngest bowler on the list...and she looks even younger. If Sarah Lokker was a 'reach' that might make me a "creepy old man"; Elise probably puts me over the top. Her season wasn't spectacular. I saw her bowl very well in some of the qualifying rounds. She's one of only 2 bowlers on the list to get consideration despite not even making match play once....but this one is practically a fashion model. Of matter of fact, you can probably find some of her bikini modeling pictures online without much trouble. We'll have to see if the bowling prowess catches up with the beauty...I'm betting it won't...but thats only because she's SO hot now...she's have to learn how to bowl 2-handed to catch up! : P
9) Shannon O'Keefe- Shannon has always been an Aslan favorite. She's very close to his age and had a solid 2015 PWBA performance making match play 6 times and making 1 championship appearance while sporting a respectable 211.11 average. She's got the looks, she's got mad skillz...unfortunately she does take a small hit for being married...and being from Texas...but nobodys perfect.
10) Kayla Bandy- She's young (29) but not "too young". She's cute, but in a more adult way than some of the younger ones on the list. Her performance this season wasn't 'bad', wasn't 'great'...but it was a solid performance. And she's too cute not to make the Top 10.
11) Stephanie Johnson- Purists will say that Stephanie Johnson should be #1 because she absolutely dominated the PWBA this season. Nobody on the list beat her in average nor points nor match play appearances. At 31, she's less annoying than her younger competition...but a penalty for being married keeps her out of the Aslan's Top 10. I suggest a divorce, let me know, and we'll bump ya up in 2016. Also, a move to a more respectable state (currently TX) would help as well.
12) Amanda Greene- She has a tiny head. But I think she's cute. She's not too young at 25...but, it could go either way. Her performance this season in the PWBA was actually quite solid. Five match play appearances is nothing to overlook.
13) Clara Guerrero- Made 6 match play appearances and at times seemed like the best bowler out there. But never seemed to be able to get it done. I wasn't a huge admirer until I got to see her in person a couple times. She's not only a great bowler and gorgeous, but also was super nice with the fans....so I'm keeping her in the top 15 and hoping that she, like Stephanie, comes to her senses, gets a divorce, and moves out of Texas.
14) Brittni Hamilton- I thought she bowled well when I was watching the qualifying but only made match play once. But, she gets bumped into the top 15 because I think she's kinda hot.
15) Maria Jose Rodriguez- She was the last of the 20 chosen...but she's young and looked good when I was watching.
16) Lindsey Boomershine- She was one, kinda like Danielle where I'd catch them bowling out of the corner of my eye and think, "Dang! Who is THAT?!" not only for their looks...but because of the fantastic shots. I always thought Lindsey was hot...but she's married so despite the 5 match play appearances...couldn't quite squeeze her into the top 15.
17) Sandra Gongora- Kinda an older version of Elise Bolton...super sexy model-like gal that also bowls amazing.
18) Missy Parkin- The best smile in any professional sport, cute, and probably was one of the best 3-4 bowlers after qualifying in almost every single event. One of only 5 bowlers on this list that made match play 6 times and the championships more than once. Unfortunately, also married.
19) Kelly Kulich- I'm still holding out hope that Kelly is straight (or preferably bi) and single...even though there have been some haters trying to crush my dreams....because she's my best shot on the list since she's the only one within about 7 years of me. On the bowling side...she was the only one to make 6 championships. Add to that, she's the only professional bowler to be photographed nude (true, look it up)...I gotta keep my fingers crossed that I still got a shot!!
20) Christina Hardee- I think she only bowled one event and when I saw her scores, it wasn't going very well. But, she's not too young, I think she's single, she's cute, and actually once responded to one of my posts...so I'm putting her on the inaugural list with hopes that she rises up the ranks.
So, there it is. Your Aslanian Guide to the PWBA...and...for the ladies....a guide to his heart. Think of it like if bowling was one of the events during a beauty pageant....thats kinda like what the Top 20 is all about.
Standard Aslan Disclaimers:
- It's an "L"; I'm not Asian.
- First, classy granny is obviously at the top of this list...as that is the rule. But given that everyone knows that, I figured why complicate the list.
- Second, Aslan's opinions are his own. Bowling boards.com, it's parent companies, or subsidiaries do not claim to agree with, support, entertain, find mildly amusing, or in any way take seriously anything he says....ever. His opinions are often times inaccurate...or usually at least only containing a very small sliver of truth, meaning, or any type of purpose.
- Those with heart conditions, the elderly, children, prudes, squares, anyone in the Missouri Sports Hall of Fame, the religious, those that can't appreciate 80s rock, or anyone with an article jammed in a place that would making walking uncomfortable...should not read Aslan's posts. If you do so, please watch a family oriented game show for at least 15 minutes.
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Aslan's PWBA Hot 20 List
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