Team mate makes bowling more of a chore...am I a jerk to quit?

[Ptnomore]

I got back into bowling about 8 years ago or so, and then was on a team with a great group of guys. Got along great, and we all had a great time. That was a Thursday night team. My wife decided she wanted to try it, so we joined a Friday night team together. Well, bowling 2 nights back to back took it's toll on my aging knees. Other interests, work, wives, etc happened, and the Thursday night team evaporated.

The Friday night (mixed league) team consists of a 60ish couple and another woman (my age) that have been bowling together for a LONG time, and for the past 4 or 5 years, my wife and I. That seemed to go ok, was fun, met quite a few other folks that we enjoy being around. The team captain asked me to join his Tuesday night mens league (200+ league average money league)a couple of years ago. Again, that went well, good bunch of guys, all considerably older than me, but decent bowlers, great attitudes. I knew going in that this team was never going to finish well in this league. Too many much younger, much more talented teams that can just bowl the pants off ya at any time.


That all seems to be changing this year. The bowling isn't as fun anymore. The Friday night team Captain hasn't bowled well all season, and he handles it about like a 2 year that dropped his ice cream cone...every week, throwing the balls, blaming the lanes, the guy next to him, the dirty curtains, bad racks, etc. Pretty much brings the teams down with him every week. We're losing ALOT of games in the 9th and 10th frame on both leagues. It just hasn't been our year. I understand it. We can't win them all. These are both money leagues. And we're near dead last in both leagues. Somebody has to lose. This year it's us. That part doesn't bother me.

I do this for fun. I work too damn hard during the day for ANYTHING after work to not be fun.

I'm on the fence about quitting. He's getting older. We all are.

Should I try to be more forgiving of his actions just because he might be dealing with all of the issues that come from getting older and not being able to routinely bowl those 600 and 700's anymore? There's absolutely no talking to him about it either. If he isn't in complete denial about it, he's stubborn as a mule and in fighting mad ***** mode.

GREAT example of what I'm talking about. On Tuesday, he couldn't talk enough about his practice session this weekend. He put a lot of games on 2 new balls that he bought, and was telling as all how he figured out the new balls, and really worked hard on his timing, and walking by the ball, and having a nice relaxed swing (something this guy has NEVER had, ever in his life would be my guess). Showed us all his 6 game series averaging a 220...it just wouldn't stop. I had to walk away.

Well, first game Tuesday night, he bowls a 152. He's got a 194 average. And it's been dropping. Same house, he averaged 210+ this summer.
2nd game 179. 3rd game 188.

Mad? Oh boy. He was unapproachable. NOBODY else on this team was mad about losing 3 games again. All 3 games were close, real close. But we lose 3 games every week. I have come to expect it with these guys. They just can't finish. And I suspect we're battling some sandbagging. Whether we are or not, consistently leaving 9th and 10th frames open is a killer. And this team does it.

In my opinion, this team has absolutely no business being in this league. Honestly, they should be in a Sr. League. They are all retired. All have developed their own style of approach to deal with whatever back, knee, hip, etc issue they might be ailing from, so it's IMPOSSIBLE for anyone to help them identify what could POSSIBLY be going wrong when they get into a "slump".

Does anyone else just hang in there on a team just for the sake of being a kind hearted soul? And if so, how long have you been doing it?

[Amyers]

I've got a similar situation with one of the bowlers on my Friday night league. the guy was a 200+ bowler for years but 2 recent back surgeries has put him where 450 for a 3 game set is a good night. I won't say he acts as bad about it as the guy your talking about but he does get seriously derailed by it. If I really though it was going to get any better I wouldn't worry about it much but at this point I'm pretty sure it is what it is. he's a friend but I've already talked with him about bowling together on a different night and we will put together a new Friday night team next fall. I wouldn't quit though I might talk to the one that is having issues and explain that his attitude is bringing the rest of the team down and see if it improves not long to go finish up and find a new team next ear at this point.

[Blomer]

This year I am bowling on 3 leagues. One I have been on for 3 seasons, 2 I am a part time bowler. One every week since January or so and the other I bowl every other week splitting with another guy. The league I bowled on for 3 seasons now, is more of a fun team. We are towards the bottom of the standings, we all try hard, but we have fun win or lose. We want to win, but no gits if we don't. No ball slamming, return kicking or anything. Frustrations..sure, but nothing we remember after the frame is over. The same with the league I bowl every week since January. Better bowlers out of the other leagues on my team and this league has a lot of great bowlers, but again, my team has fun and we are towards the top of the standings. But in this league, several bowlers in other teams throw fits if they don't strike every frame and blames everything. On my Sunday league where I bowl every other week, we have someone on the team who will throw a fit. He will yell and slam balls. On the same team we have Mr. Negative! He looks at the down falls rather than the ups! If someone is doing well, he will find a negative. Blame others for someone not getting a 300, when they are close etc. I try not to say anything to him. It's sad it happens!

[jab5325]

I got back into bowling about 8 years ago or so, and then was on a team with a great group of guys. Got along great, and we all had a great time. That was a Thursday night team. My wife decided she wanted to try it, so we joined a Friday night team together. Well, bowling 2 nights back to back took it's toll on my aging knees. Other interests, work, wives, etc happened, and the Thursday night team evaporated.

The Friday night (mixed league) team consists of a 60ish couple and another woman (my age) that have been bowling together for a LONG time, and for the past 4 or 5 years, my wife and I. That seemed to go ok, was fun, met quite a few other folks that we enjoy being around. The team captain asked me to join his Tuesday night mens league (200+ league average money league)a couple of years ago. Again, that went well, good bunch of guys, all considerably older than me, but decent bowlers, great attitudes. I knew going in that this team was never going to finish well in this league. Too many much younger, much more talented teams that can just bowl the pants off ya at any time.


That all seems to be changing this year. The bowling isn't as fun anymore. The Friday night team Captain hasn't bowled well all season, and he handles it about like a 2 year that dropped his ice cream cone...every week, throwing the balls, blaming the lanes, the guy next to him, the dirty curtains, bad racks, etc. Pretty much brings the teams down with him every week. We're losing ALOT of games in the 9th and 10th frame on both leagues. It just hasn't been our year. I understand it. We can't win them all. These are both money leagues. And we're near dead last in both leagues. Somebody has to lose. This year it's us. That part doesn't bother me.

I do this for fun. I work too damn hard during the day for ANYTHING after work to not be fun.

I'm on the fence about quitting. He's getting older. We all are.

Should I try to be more forgiving of his actions just because he might be dealing with all of the issues that come from getting older and not being able to routinely bowl those 600 and 700's anymore? There's absolutely no talking to him about it either. If he isn't in complete denial about it, he's stubborn as a mule and in fighting mad ***** mode.

GREAT example of what I'm talking about. On Tuesday, he couldn't talk enough about his practice session this weekend. He put a lot of games on 2 new balls that he bought, and was telling as all how he figured out the new balls, and really worked hard on his timing, and walking by the ball, and having a nice relaxed swing (something this guy has NEVER had, ever in his life would be my guess). Showed us all his 6 game series averaging a 220...it just wouldn't stop. I had to walk away.

Well, first game Tuesday night, he bowls a 152. He's got a 194 average. And it's been dropping. Same house, he averaged 210+ this summer.
2nd game 179. 3rd game 188.

Mad? Oh boy. He was unapproachable. NOBODY else on this team was mad about losing 3 games again. All 3 games were close, real close. But we lose 3 games every week. I have come to expect it with these guys. They just can't finish. And I suspect we're battling some sandbagging. Whether we are or not, consistently leaving 9th and 10th frames open is a killer. And this team does it.

In my opinion, this team has absolutely no business being in this league. Honestly, they should be in a Sr. League. They are all retired. All have developed their own style of approach to deal with whatever back, knee, hip, etc issue they might be ailing from, so it's IMPOSSIBLE for anyone to help them identify what could POSSIBLY be going wrong when they get into a "slump".

Does anyone else just hang in there on a team just for the sake of being a kind hearted soul? And if so, how long have you been doing it?

Great question, especially from a fellow Pennsylvanian!

Sadly, I've dealt with the thought of quitting in both of my leagues at times this year.

My Wednesday night is a scratch, big money league. I'm the lowest average on my team by 15 pins--we're now in first place, by the way. I went through a rough streak from late October through early December--I was throwing 450s, 475s, and even had a 125.....mind you this is a house shot. I reasoned that if I didn't turn it around by Christmas, I'd search for someone else to bowl for me and leave the team. We were in last place and I was bringing the team town. But, things turned around and all is well.

My Thursday night league features a bowler much like what you describe. I've averaged 198 since December in this league, one guy averages 198 on the season, and a third guy is in the 180s and over 200 since January. Well.....our fourth guy is a real treat. It's his first year on our team. He has no physical problems, but has a non-existent backswing, comes around the side at release, and throws the ball less than 10mph. His average is in the 150s, and he often throws less than 120. Yet, this guy is always imploring us three that we need to "pick it up", complaining about losing games, and whining about missing spares. I've tried to coach a bit, but he has none of it and is genuinely one of the worst league bowlers I've ever seen. We won the first half of the season, but this half we are second from last and frankly it's because of this guy.

Each of the "Thursday Three" have thought about quitting along the way because of this guy. But, we only have 3 weeks left so we're going to suck it up. He's a very nice person, but I have no clue where he's coming from with his comments. A complete and total unwillingness to get better seals the fate. This, combined with other issues in my Thursday league, means that I won't be bowling in that one next year. I'll never bowl with this 150 guy again, either. It's annoying as hell.

As I'm typing this out, I realized this is an Aslan-like post.....my apologies.

In a nutshell, what I'm trying to say is.....league is almost over in all likelihood. It may be worth it to suck it up this year and not do it again next year. If you decide quitting is in your best interest, it's probably best to find someone to take your place before doing so.

[Ptnomore]

Let me clarify...I would NEVER quit before the end of the season. But in both leagues, it's "assumed" that I'll be back next season.

I'm just trying to get to a place where I could feel good about quitting both of these teams at seasons end to possibly find a better fit elsewhere, and it not feel like such a drag to have to go bowl. I'm a competitive guy, but It's not going to ruin my week if I bowl badly, or the team loses. And to talk to this guy about it, he'd tell you that he doesn't let it get to him either. But it's all talk, obviously. It does get to him, and how he reacts to it, affects the team.

[jab5325]

Let me clarify...I would NEVER quit before the end of the season. But in both leagues, it's "assumed" that I'll be back next season.

I'm just trying to get to a place where I could feel good about quitting both of these teams at seasons end to possibly find a better fit elsewhere, and it not feel like such a drag to have to go bowl. I'm a competitive guy, but It's not going to ruin my week if I bowl badly, or the team loses. And to talk to this guy about it, he'd tell you that he doesn't let it get to him either. But it's all talk, obviously. It does get to him, and how he reacts to it, affects the team.

No question about it then--it's perfectly fine to not bowl next season, especially by letting folks know before the end of this season.

[Amyers]

Let me clarify...I would NEVER quit before the end of the season. But in both leagues, it's "assumed" that I'll be back next season.

I'm just trying to get to a place where I could feel good about quitting both of these teams at seasons end to possibly find a better fit elsewhere, and it not feel like such a drag to have to go bowl. I'm a competitive guy, but It's not going to ruin my week if I bowl badly, or the team loses. And to talk to this guy about it, he'd tell you that he doesn't let it get to him either. But it's all talk, obviously. It does get to him, and how he reacts to it, affects the team.

Without a doubt. If you're not happy then find new teammates for the beginning of the next season.

[fordman1]

If you want to quit go ahead.
104b. Franchise and Roster
The rosters of all teams shall automatically disband at the end of the season. A team franchise (team
spot) in the league shall be held by the team captain provided the captain:
1. Is acceptable to the majority of the full membership of the board of directors.
2. Notifies the league secretary of his/her intention to retain the franchise on or before a date set
by the league. Failure to do so will result in the franchise returning to the control of the board of
directors.
A franchise cannot be recalled during the season without sufficient cause.

[Timmyb]

I have the same issues with my Tuesday team. One guy consistently takes 2 or 3 weeks off at a crack. The two other guys one the team are great. Show up every week, bowl well, don't throw tantrums. Now the girl on the team. She's the one throwing her ball, hitting the scoring table. Unfortunately, her parents own the center. Couple that with the fact that they can't seem to put down a consistent shot for the past 2 months, and that spells me not going back next year. They are plenty of houses in the Milwaukee area.

[Blomer]

Yeah, just give them a heads up that you wont be back next year. I wouldn't want to stay on a team like you have currently.