Thought I Might Have to Punch a Kid

**Aslan** · 02-19-2025, 01:09 AM

So, I showed up a little early on Sunday...and was pulling in my two 3-ball rollers (Pyramid Deluxe Roller Bags) as I found my lane assignment. I started taking out the balls, shoes, etc... and these two teens come over to me and the older kid (probably 15ish) says,

Kid: "Hey. Can I have your autograph?"

Me: "Why would you want my autograph?"

Kid: "Well...you're like a professional bowler right?"

Me: "No. Not quite."

Kid: "Well, you have two bags of balls so I just assumed."

Me: "Nope."

Kid: "You just looked familiar and you have 2 bags with you so I figured you were a professional."

Me: "Nope. Sorry"

Kid: "Well, can you give me some pointers? You must be really good."

Me: "Well, my best advise is to talk to the pro shop operator and see if he can give you some lessons...get the basics down."

Kid: "Is that what you did?"

Me: "Yup...a long, long time ago."

Now...realize, I knew this kid's little game when he made his request for my autograph. He didn't think I was a pro and had no interest in pointers. He was a little punk that saw somebody that actually took bowling seriously and thought he'd give them ****. And, he either calculated that I'd be flattered and think he actually thought I was a pro...or that I'd just get annoyed but refrain from punching him because he's just a kid. So, in the end, I guess he calculated correctly.

But, where I think he slightly misjudged was:

1) Always be careful assuming someone won't punch you. Its a great calculation right up until the point you're wrong. And, if you're gonna gamble...don't pick someone 3x your size.

2) He's not the original comic he thinks he is. I've gotten looks from casual bowlers for everything from actually "trying" to bowl well to my note-taking during leagues...to the amount of equipment I bring with me. I've had to deal with "looks" and even comments from other league members who just see league bowling as an excuse to get drunk on a weeknight.

All I can say in response is:

1) I have a long fuse attached to a big bomb. But if you're the punk on the wrong day...when I've already reached my aggravation limit...I pity you.

2) I don't need an excuse to get drunk on a weekday.

3) The same people that think I should take bowling less seriously are the same people sitting in the meeting room after sweeps...wondering how I took home $1400 when they essentially left Vegas in the red. Well, let's see...I showed up a day early, I practiced twice the day before to get a feel for the lanes, and I showed up to sweeps sober and prepared. I gambled very little and left right after bowling so not to give Vegas my winnings.

And, for the record...I carry 5 balls with me to leagues. One is a spare ball. I used to use a 4-ball roller bag and a joey...but I was running out of space for all my non-bowling ball junk (shoes, shoe covers, pens, cards, scoresheets, notepad, change (for card games), thumb powder, thumb tape, rosin, shoe soles, etc...). With two 3-ball deluxe rollers...I got an extra space for stuff and much many more pockets...so it just works better.