Team Issues

[Aslan]

Now, before I go into this...having issues with teammates is probably something that everyone has had. Whether you've bowled 1 league or been bowling leagues for 50 years...you probably can come up with an "issue" you had with a teammate. And, I'm restricting this to issues with a teammate or teammates...not other teams or the bowling center or the staff or the local USBC.

Just looking back...before I get into my present day challenge...

- 2014, I remember a major "issue" that happened between me and the only other bowlingboards person I've ever been on a team with. I don't recall her username...I think it was something with a "bunny" in it...we're talking 10-11 years ago...and everything was going fine...then I made some off-hand comment on the boards...and she blew it way out of proportion and quite the team. The most akward part was that the team was me, her, and her husband...and he kept bowling with me. I felt bad about it. I tried to explain/calm things over...but she just wasn't having it.

- 2016, I joined a team with a girl, a guy, and a lady. The girl and guy were ex-lovers. The girl started showing up with various boyfriends and the guy was getting all upset about it. Every night just turned into a drama-fest...and finally I just told the lady that either I was off the team or the girl was. And, I felt bad about it...because the girl was technically the capatain and I liked her. She was fun and entertaining. But, it was just becoming a real distraction.

- 2021, I had a trio team where the other two bowlers were young and I think fairly "poor". One of them didn't seem to have money for 'soap' based on the smell. And they just would not show up for 2 weeks and then show up and then not show up...and it was just ridiculous.

- 2021, also in 2021...I had a team where it was a young 2-hander, me, and a couple elderly bowlers. One of them was african-american. And the white, elderly bowler was very nice...but he always was telling 'tall tales' and whenever he'd tell you something...he'd hit you in the shoulder or the arm. It was annoying. And there was one moment where I said something that the african american bowler took entirely the wrong way. This guy claimed that he used to be a motown singer in a group out of California. And, he and I would talk about California from time to time. Well, one night I referred to him as "Smokey"...like Smokey Robinson...and apparently "Smokey" is an old racial term...which I had never heard before...so that was a very akward night and it was akward for the rest of the season.

- 2021, later in 2021...my main team that I was on for multiple seasons... I was just really slumping and trying like 'heck' to fix things. And, one of the teammates who thought he was amazing and a 'coach' and he was just stubbon and annoying about insisting that I add surface to my bowling balls to get them to hook more. The problem wasn't hook...it was carry. And this guy really had no knowledge of bowling ball specs and technology...but he just wouldn't let it go and finally I just snapped at him...which made the night very akward.

Well, the POINT of this list is to bring me to present time. The captain of my summer team is a "problem". I was warned by multiple bowlers that this particular bowler was a 'problem'. He got kicked off the Sunday night fall league for some near fight that almost broke out between him and one of his teammates and drama with his now ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend. Last summer he and his then girlfriend were constantly causing drama and nonsesnse. I had to cancel a check that I wrote to his girlfriend to bowl in a tournament after those plans abruptly changed. He lost one of our summer team bowlers over an argument over that bowler spending too much time smoking between games. But, I didn't want to say no to him when he asked me to rejoin this summer season.

to be continued...

[Aslan]

Well, literally WEEK 1...he asked me to spot him $20 because he didn't have dues. Something about just getting back to work or something. A couple weeks ago he needed $10 for the vacant bowler prize fund.

Now, before last night..about an hour...I get a text saying something about how he wasn't going to be there tonight and he went on to say that he mainly wasn't going because he has no money. He went on to say his car got repossessed and he lost his home.

Now, I feel bad for the guy. Obviously, he's got some things going on in his life that he needs to figure out. But, c'mon man. I just want to bowl.

I got there last night almost positive that he wouldn't be there...but there he was! Somehow...he got a ride. So I thought, "Dang it. He's gonna hit me up for money...I just know it." And it distracted me...especially early on in the night. Because...I've started to become more religious and I feel bad when I have the opportunity to help someone and I don't do it. It's not "walking the walk". And, honestly, I could afford it. I could afford to help him out.

But, it just adds an unnecessary 'issue' to bowling night...which should be a night of fun and fellowship. Are there going to be "annoyances"? Absolutely. The bowler that disappears 3 times per game and you gotta wait on her/him. The smoker...the guy who is always late...the guy/gal that averages a 99 with no intent on improving...the loud drunk...the old man/lady that takes every opportunity to gripe about anything and everything...etc, etc.... But I shouldn't have to worry about getting hit up for money. If I help him out, I spend the rest of the night feeling annoyed like I was being taken advantage of. If I don't help him out, I spend the rest of the night feeling like a bad Christian. My night gets ruined...when I just want to bowl.

I'm gonna have to have the courage to tell him I'm out as far as the summer league next season. Which means, if I want to still bowl in the league, I can't really tell him I'm taking the summer off. I essentially have to find a summer team before he asks me...and last fall he asked me about the summer league in like week 3 of fall league. And there aren't many options in the summer...and I hate to drive 45 minutes to bowl at another center just to avoid telling him "no".

Any original ideas on how to get out of bowling on a team without having to just outright tell the guy, "I don't like bowling with you. You're a mess. But, thanks for asking."