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Thread: JASON'S TV RECAP UNCENSORED - My CSI Experience

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    Default JASON'S TV RECAP UNCENSORED - My CSI Experience

    This Thursday night (November 19) on CBS at 9pm, one of the most-watched shows on television, CSI (the original version, set in Las Vegas), will air a bowling-themed episode titled “Lover’s Lane” on which yours truly had the pleasure of working as a bowling consultant.

    The way this happened was pretty random. The PBA received a call from CSI producers looking for a bowling consultant for an upcoming episode. The PBA turned them on to me, since I live here in sunny Southern California where the show is filmed. I then told the producer (more than half-jokingly) that it would be possible for me to convert a 7-10 split on camera in a reasonable number of takes, and they said, “cool, are you available, like, for pretty much all of next week?” Sure thing. Hey, when CSI says, “Jump!” you say, “How high?”

    The mission, since I chose to accept it, was simple: Come down and meet the cast and crew on set in Hollywood (piece of cake), teach a few of the actors how to bowl like pros…in two hours or less (a bit more of a challenge), then spend two days on set as a consultant/coach/stunt double (at upscale Pasadena bowling lounge “300”) during shooting for the bowling-alley scenes (can you say, “performance anxiety for a thousand, Alex?”).

    Lucky for me, I had a bit of vicarious experience at this kind of thing working in my favor. You see, my friend Barry Asher (the PBA Hall of Famer and 10-time Tour champion), once worked on the set of The Big Lebowski (in fact, he appears in the film during the final scene, bowling alone in the background).

    The one cautionary tale I took from his experience was the time the Coen brothers asked him to leave a stone 8. Of course, he had to leave one using a 13-pound caramel White Dot on lanes that were oiled dead flat gutter-to-gutter with about 40 units. (For those of you not completely familiar with the difficulty of this, it’s a little bit like dropping a champagne glass from the top of the Empire State Building without breaking it). After about 50 attempts, he finally left the elusive tap. Elated, he wheeled around for approval but, to his dismay, noticed a chagrined look on the face of the brothers. “Do you think you can make the pin wiggle a little bit?” Remembering that, I was prepared for anything.

    DAY 1
    On day one, I showed up at the Universal lot to meet the cast and crew. Of course, my name was not on the list (definitely not the first time this has happened to me) so I had to endure the “another crazy dude trying to get on the lot to stalk ‘fill-in-the-name-of-the-celebrity-here’” stares from the security guards for a bit. Luckily, the lovely 2nd Assistant Director Michelle Parvin quickly showed up in a golf cart and whisked me off to the CSI stage, a massive square building set amongst rows of similar-sized stages housing many of the most-watched TV shows and popular films in the world today.

    The first person I met on set was Prop Manager Paul Byers, who explained that he had five bowling balls for me, and that they needed to drill them so I could stand in and throw shots for five different actors. He asked me what size my hand was (the choices were small, medium, large or extra large) so he could have the balls drilled to fit. I politely informed him that I could take the balls and drill them myself, since it’s been about thirty years since I’ve had my drilling specs taken by Wal-Mart. He seemed relieved and was also nice enough to help lug the five balls back to the parking structure with me at the end of the day (even though I did send him back early because I’d forgotten where in the seven-story lot that I’d parked my stupid car...yeah, it was the car’s fault…and didn’t want him to have to endure the embarrassing process of wandering aimlessly from floor to floor…with the very distinct possibility of running into a celebrity…whilst dragging three two-ball bags behind him).

    Jumping back to the set, things were pretty surreal. This particular stage is where all of the CSI lab scenes are shot, and it’s really kind of a dark, sterile environment except for the body parts stored in little plastic bags from 10 seasons worth of fantastically creative crime scenes. The fact that everyone speaks in whispers because of the need for silence on set (even between takes) adds to the overall intimidating ambience. As I made my way through the various set-pieces, word of my arrival must have somehow percolated through the building, as everywhere I went I overheard various actors and crew members giddily discussing bowling. In one instance, the gorgeous (and surprisingly tall) Jorja Fox, who plays workaholic Sara Sidle on the show, mentioned how she “hates” bowling because she “sucks at it.” I pretty much feel the same way about acting (and those of you who’ve seen my show “Let’s Go Bowling” would probably agree with me…that I suck at acting, that is), so Jorja, at least we have that in common.

    After meeting all of the key people on set, my homework was to get my five new balls drilled (special thanks to Fred Berger at Brunswick Zone Simi Valley for his help with this) and prepare for a two-hour coaching session with four of the actors (one series regular plus three guest stars who would be playing professional bowlers) over at Pinz in Studio City the next day. Of course, the balls were all plastic (with the exception of one reactive resin ball) and each weighed 13-pounds (what is it with Hollywood and 13-pounders, anyways?). I also noticed that all of the balls’ logos were carefully painted over (I guess the manufacturers opted not to pay CSI’s “product registration fee,” which I would assume is a wee bit higher than the PBA’s, given the number of viewers they reach?). I would later find out, however, that 13lb plastic would be an absolute blessing.

    DAY 2
    On Day 2 over at Pinz, I met up with the actors (and excellent Production Assistant/aspiring writer Ian Maio) for their bowling lesson. The job was to teach guest stars Marcus Giamatti, Devon Gummersall, Blake Shields and series regular Eric Szmanda how to bowl well enough that they could easily pass for pro bowlers.

    I brought along a bag of my own equipment (two reactives plus my Columbia Blue Dot spare ball) to demonstrate a few things, but first, I had the guys each throw some warm-up shots to see just what I had to work with. One of the guys (Devon, who you might know from MTV’s cult ‘90’s hit My So Called Life, and who will be playing a cocky, Terrell Owens-of-pro-bowling kind of character) was actually pretty decent. He immediately got the concept of the pro release and threw the ball well enough that, with just a few months practice, could easily be averaging 190-plus on a typical house shot.

    Marcus (who I later discovered is the son of former baseball commissioner Bart Giamatti and brother of Academy Award-winning actor Paul Giamatti and who will be playing a crafty Tour veteran on the episode) was a former baseball pitcher and quite a good athlete. He was a little slower than Devon on picking up the release so, instead, we focused on proper rhythm and timing and, in a few minutes, we had him looking like a pro from the foul line back.

    Blake, who plays a character on the episode whose luck is so bad it makes Kingpin’s Roy Munson’s raw deal look like a Powerball Lotto winner, was the one who required the most work of the group. After I finished up with Devon and Marcus, I had Blake focus on counting out his steps so he could first get his timing down. Then, we incorporated the ball and armswing into his approach and, before long, he was looking pretty decent too.

    The last of the group was 9-year CSI veteran Eric Szmanda, who plays field agent Greg Sanders on the show. I can’t really talk about Greg’s bowling-related arc on this week’s episode without ruining it for you, but I can say that Eric was quite intrigued with the two-handed style. I left the choice up to him whether he wanted to go with the traditional one-handed approach or the Jason Belmonte/Osku Palermaa-style new-school sensation (see clips of those freaks of nature below). But after two-handing a shot out to the twig and watching it scream back to destroy the pocket, Mr. Szmanda was hooked and he started to look as giddy as a schoolboy about this bowling thing.

    We wrapped up the session by bowling one game for score and, to handicap things a bit, I offered to throw my Blue Dot. The boys each rolled games in the low-to mid 100’s and, after flagging a 7-pin in the first frame (good thing I had my spare ball with me, eh?) I threw 10 of the next 11 strikes for 258. The actors were indeed very impressed. I didn’t mention to them that they earn more for a single episode than I’ve earned in my entire competitive bowling career, but hey, why ruin the illusion?

    My impression of the actors was that they were a great bunch of guys. Completely down-to-earth and totally not like Ben Stiller-inspired Tropic-Thunder actor-types whatsoever. They took their jobs incredibly seriously and genuinely wanted to put on as realistic a performance (especially with respect to their bowling) as possible. I gave them each homework assignments to work on prior to shooting (which was a day-and-a-half away) and we went our separate ways.
    Last edited by onefrombills; 11-22-2009 at 06:01 PM.
    ~Brian Hirsch~
    VISE Staff Member
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    DAY 3
    My first day on set over at 300 in Pasadena was an interesting one. I showed up at 10am (crew call time was a lot earlier so they could get everything set up to make 300 look like a typical Las Vegas casino/bowling center) and was immediately greeted by producers, the show’s writer Dustin Abraham, the director (Andrew Bernstein), assistant directors, wardrobe, and many others.

    In almost no time, the place was ready (when CSI does something, they do it right…and fast) and looking exactly like a PBA-style TV set. That’s when the waiting began (for me, at least). Pretty much until 5pm I waited around like the little sidekick dog in those Warner Brothers cartoons eagerly hoping for something to do but, alas, I was not needed. Between takes I hung out mostly with J.T. “Action” Jackson (a local actor and PBA member who bowled Tour Trials at Thunderbowl this season…he was playing the color commentator on the episode) and Mike Villani (voice talent extraordinaire who had the role of play-by-play commentator) and talked bowling and pop culture. J.T., by the way, is a seriously funny guy and not a bad bowler either for someone who just picked up the sport a few years back.

    After lunch (which occurs at 5pm in Hollywoodland) I began to sense that my services might be needed soon, so I hustled to get my equipment ready. The five 13-pounders were all ready and drilled to fit my hand like five little gloves. Then, at 7pm, the call came. “Jason, we need to get you into wardrobe right away! Follow me!” A young lady named Veronika Bakos (whose name I horribly mispronounced causing embarrassment to myself and further solidifying the reputation of the American ability to butcher foreign languages) whisked me off (in TV, there seems to be a lot of whisking…and that’s not to mention the cooking shows) to “home base”, which is a large preponderance of deluxe motor homes and trailers housing all of the productions’ various needs. They fitted me in an exact replica of Blake’s outfit and then whisked me back into the bowl and right down onto the set, front and center.

    The first assistant director (the incredibly friendly, yet commanding Stacy Murphy Gold) instructed me that I would be throwing a shot for Blake’s character. The director then stepped in and explained that I would need to take two steps, starting from the far right side of the lane, walking in front of the camera (which was positioned on the approach, approximately 8 feet from the foul line…for those of you keeping score at home, that would be exactly one-half of the length of the approach) and then throwing a shot that leaves one wiggling pin (piece of cake compared to what the Coen brothers asked Asher to do, right?). Of course, I forgot to mention that there were precisely zero units of oil on the lanes (the crew needed them dry in order to walk safely on the lanes all day)…oh, and Blake’s ball happened to be the only reactive of the bunch. Riiiiiiight.

    For those of you not hip to the bowling lingo, trying to get nine by throwing a reactive (which hooks wa-haaaaaay more than plastic) on a lane with no oil, while starting from the right side of the approach, and only being able to take two steps (this cuts off your momentum tremendously and consequently reduces how hard you’re able to throw the ball), while wearing a pair of shoes that have slide soles on both feet (part of the wardrobe continuity requirements) is a bit like trying to throw a ball down the wall of a cliff and getting it to stop halfway down. Of course, the director cut off my feeble requests for some oil on the lane by saying, “You are a pro right? Can’t you just do it with no oil?” Could this be a challenge? To my manhood? Good directors sure do know how to push an actor’s (or so-called actor, in my case) buttons.

    My first shot hooked 20 boards before it reached the arrows and picked three off the left, which I blamed on not being warmed up. The next one missed the headpin left once again, leaving the 1-3-6. On the next one, I heaved the ball as far down the lane as I could with absolutely no rotation or axis tilt and managed to leave a Brooklyn five pin that wiggled slightly. “Perfect!” yelled the director. “We’ve got it!” (Pause) “Man, this guy’s good!” Mr. Bernstein said to 1AD Stacy. “Yes I am,” I thought momentarily before realizing, depressingly, that my shot was just a few short weeks from going into the well-crowded vault of all-time famous Hollywood Brooklyns ever captured on film. I changed out of my borrowed clothes (which I think actually fit me better than my own…I wonder if Veronika might have time in the near future to join me at the Gap to start picking out my clothes for me?) and set off in my station wagon thinking of the day for the entire 45-minute drive home.

    DAY 4
    Going into my final day on the CSI set, I had very low expectations for how good a day it was going to be. Boy, could I not have been more wrong.

    The day began with Marcus and Devon shooting their bowling-match sequence. Not only are these guys incredibly talented actors, but they took the advice I’d given them just two days before and had even improved on it when it came time for them to perform their bowling shots. Devon even managed to toss a strike on the oil-less lanes for one of his shots, prompting the hundred or so extras in the crowd to cheer even more enthusiastically than they had on the previous 13 takes. As a coach, I could not have been prouder of the two guys’ bowling performances if they’d just gone out and won the PBA Tournament of Champions.

    For me, as soon as these scenes wrapped, it was over to the VIP side to shoot pick-ups of pin action (and to attempt to cash the big “I can make the 7-10” check my mouth had written the week before). The lanes on the VIP side were just as naked (from a lack of oil standpoint) as the main section, but on this side, I was able to at least throw from midway down the lane.

    Fairly quickly, we were able to knock out all of the assorted strikes, spare leaves and gutter balls we needed for the bowling scenes, and it was then time to begin attempting to capture a conversion of the dreaded 7-10 split on film. To my knowledge, every 7-10 conversion ever captured on film (aside from the three times it’s been converted on television during PBA competition – see clips of those below) has been of the trick photography/special effects variety. Knowing this, we were determined to be the first to dramatize the “impossible” feat au natural.

    With the camera positioned on the right half of the lane, I began my attempts to convert the split by throwing at the 7-pin. This is not my normal technique for, in the past, I’ve had quite a bit of luck (I’ve converted the 7-10 at least 15 times in my career…in fact, read this blog for a cute story on one of those conversions) throwing very hard cross-lane at the left half of the 10-pin. On my first attempt, I blasted the 7-pin so hard it actually went over the curtain and struck one of the mechanics behind the pit. After repeating this result several more times, another local league bowler (whose name I don’t recall, but he goes by the nickname “The Lizard”) took over for a bit and tried aiming for the left side of the 7. After about 20 takes, I was informed that I was needed back on the other side of the establishment for some pick-ups of the Devon/Marcus match. More on the 7-10 saga in a moment…(how’s that for a CSI-style cliffhanger, baby?)

    This time, the lovely Veronika again brought me out to home base for a wardrobe change and showed me to a trailer that (cue angel’s voices singing down from the heavens as clouds part to reveal blazing columns of sunlight)…had my name printed on the door! This was one of the most surreal moments of my life, which I would have literally stood and enjoyed for several hours had Veronika not reminded me that I was needed back in the bowl “yesterday.” I quickly changed (relishing the confines of my own very first trailer as much as possible) and headed back over to the set.

    For this scene, they needed me to strike for Devon, a process that required me to throw the ball, then quickly run out of the shot (either left, right or straight back) allowing him to step in behind me to capture his reaction. Of course, there was still no oil on the lanes and, in fact, dust had begun accumulating on the dry surface, giving the lane the appearance of a virtual desert. Hot lights were set up all over the place, and the stands were filled with extras waiting for us to get the take right so they could go back to reading their books or grabbing a bite to eat over at craft services. It was the closest thing I’ve ever experienced to what the pros on the PBA Tour go through when they’re on TV, except I wasn’t throwing shots for 25 grand (or more).

    While they were setting up for the shot, I grabbed a few quick practice tosses and, after missing on my first two, I got fairly well lined up doing my best Osku trick-shot impression, tossing the ball 30 feet down the lane, aiming at the 10-pin with no finger hit and just a little tilt. The first time I struck (on my third attempt), the crowd went wild and I began to ham it up. Then, Stacy came over and asked me if I was ready. Gulp!
    ~Brian Hirsch~
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    I stepped up onto the approach and waited for the crew to go through the process of calling the take. First they roll cameras, then they cue extras, then they call action, and then it’s your turn to perform. The waiting seems like an eternity and I’m sure it can be when you know that all eyes are on you and everyone’s counting on you to perform. I tried to just focus on throwing a good shot and getting out of the way. After each shot, I had to run off so quickly I didn’t have time to watch the results, but, according to Action Jackson, I threw four of six strikes (one Brooklyn, which will probably be the one they use on the show I’m sure) and left the 3-6 and the 6-10 on the other two.

    Afterwards, the crew “took five” and I was able to run outside to grab a snack. Almost all of the extras were congratulating me and telling me how cool it was to watch me throw all those strikes. I felt like Walter Ray must feel, well, like, pretty much every week. Then, when the glow reached its pinnacle, I was reminded by one of the crew that I still needed to pick up the 7-10. Oh yeah, that.

    Upon returning to the VIP side, I was informed that the special effects team had attached filament to the 10-pin and that “The Lizard” had had some success in getting the 7-pin over close enough to the 10 to make it look plausible that the split had been converted. Disappointed, I held on to the hope that we’d get a few more cracks at the split before the day was out and, to my excitement, we did! After a few more unsuccessful attempts by yours truly, I gave way to Lizzie and, on his third attempt, he unleashed a perfect pitch that landed hard on the left half of the hapless 7-pin. The pin crashed violently into the top bar of the curtain and ricocheted directly into the 10, sending both pins flying out onto the pindeck like a couple of WWE heavyweights. The entire population of the building went nuts like Chicago Cubs fans might if they ever happen to win the World Series and we all warmly congratulated one another on capturing the blessed moment on celluloid (although I had a brief flash of that goofy air-traffic controller guy from Airplane! pulling our chain and telling us the camera wasn’t on).

    Once that party broke up, it was getting close to the end of the day and things started to wind down. I was dismissed by Stacy at approximately 10pm and she thanked me for my time and for my help. I felt a pang of sadness as I left the building, but it was the kind of sadness you feel after a great day with your family at Disneyland…sad that it was over, but buttressed by the knowledge that I’d just created a wonderful memory that I’ll no doubt remember fondly for the rest of my life.

    EPILOGUE
    The opportunity to work on the television show CSI was exactly the kind of dream experience I wrote about in my book “Livin’ the Dream.” And to see and observe (and to be adopted temporarily as a part of) the CSI team executing their enormously successful vision first-hand with a cast and crew that moves and works together with precise unison, effort, enthusiasm and understanding is validation of what can be accomplished if you have a goal, believe in your ability to accomplish it and work very hard.

    I hope you all have a chance to watch this week’s bowling-themed episode of the hit show CSI (Thursday at 9pm on CBS), and that you thoroughly enjoy the experience. I would personally like to thank everyone involved at CBS (and the show) for the opportunity to help, and for the tremendous hospitality I was shown. I truly felt like part of their tight-knit family for a few fun-filled days. I still haven’t received my check yet, but it’s standard practice in TV not to pay out the talent until the episode has aired (I hear in the message boards that the PBA Tour players are just becoming familiar with that practice this season). Although I’m pretty sure they’re good for the money considering it’s around $200K for a 30-second spot during the show. Oh, to dream of the day when PBA on ESPN ad rates ascend to that lofty perch!

    Until Monday’s TV Recap of the Chameleon Championship, good luck, good bowling and good TV watching!
    ~Brian Hirsch~
    VISE Staff Member
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    I watched it online and the first thing I noticed was their funky method of adding up the scores in the beginning

    X X X X X 9/ X X X

    they had it at a 237 through nine frames, but it should've said 219?



    edit: oh and the 7-10 was pretty cool
    Last edited by Drano; 11-24-2009 at 02:03 AM.

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