My local alley is just as you described, 8 WOOD lanes with above ground returns. Actually the 6 alleys within a 20mile radius are all wood lanes and a bit antiquated. I guess that's what you get living in the country though.
I honestly don't think the above ground returns are nerve racking as you described. The scariest thing I can say I saw with those returns is one night the return chute was out of place. I was on lane 8 getting ready to throw and the ball kicked out of the return crossed the lane hit the right side gutter and rolled up and out of the approach right next to me. It was pretty funny but if I had thrown my ball a few seconds earlier it could have been a real mess.
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